


Third Time's A Charm

by quackers



Series: The Kelpie [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lifeguards, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Dom/sub Undertones, Drowning, Lack of Communication, Lifeguard Ryan, M/M, Non-Human Shane, Oblivious Shane Madej, Secrets, Semi-Public Sex, Under-negotiated Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-09-25 02:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20368813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quackers/pseuds/quackers
Summary: Shane can't help but fall for the hot young lifeguard that stars in his Baywatch inspired daydreams, but he has a secret that no one can know. Not even Ryan.Once is chance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is fate.





	1. Chapter 1

_August 1999_

_Delaware_

The ocean was kind of cool. 

And boring. Really, really boring. 

Not for the first time, Shane reflected on how mad he was at his dad. They literally lived next to a big ass lake, dragging the family to the freakin’ Atlantic was stupid. And boring. Goddamn it was boring. 

The setting sun cast pretty neat colors over the ocean, and he did kind of like the roar of the waves. But a full week of getting sunburnt and looking at water was too much. He could have been back home playing some Resident Evil 3 or hanging out with his friends. 

He trudged through the deep sand, watching his toes disappear into the loose particles and not really paying attention to where he was going. His parents were off taking pictures of the coarse grass along the dunes and he doubted they would even notice his absence if he wandered along the water for awhile. It wasn't like his dad would let him mess around with the precious camera, so he might as well do something else. 

It was easier to walk on the firmer wet sand right next to the creeping edge of the waves and he soon found himself ambling farther and farther down the beach. The cool water felt kinda good washing over his feet whenever he accidentally got too close. Shane let his thoughts drift as he walked, ignoring his surroundings to think about the possible food they might get later and the ache in his legs.

His mother called it growing pains but Shane hoped it was from the sheer amount of walking they’d been doing during their week of being tourists. He was already a head taller than most of his classmates and he didn't need the new school year to be even worse. 

The line of a weathered wooden fence crept up in his periphery, but he didn’t bother to stop walking until he was right up against it. On the other side lay an expanse of mostly unbothered sand and grasses, home to some rare bird or other that the area was trying to protect. Only a single set of tracks showed where one could drive up to a lighthouse off in the distance, situated on a spit of land that curved out into the ocean. Shane had wanted to visit, as he had thought it might have been cool to climb the steps and look out over the water, but it was apparently closed and off limits. 

Figured. 

He wasn't allowed to use the old camera his father had brought, he wasn't allowed to stay in the hotel and watch TV, and he wasn't allowed to climb the old buildings. God, this vacation had sucked.

Just as the growing dimness and chill in the air convinced him that he should turn around and head back before his parents got mad at him for wandering so far away, he heard a faint yell on the wind. 

At first, he thought he was imagining things. The wind did weird things as it blew over the open expanse of the ocean. 

Then he heard it again. He looked over his shoulder, expecting to see another family on the sand, going for a last minute swim before the beach closed, but while he could see a few figures far off in the distance, there was no one close enough for him to have heard them. 

He heard the noise again and this time there was no mistaking it. 

A distinctive, terrified shout for help. 

His heart tripped in sudden panic as he looked out over the water and saw a small arm waving above the surface. The swells and dips of the waves quieted long enough for him to catch a glimpse of a young boy, then all he could see was the churned up froth of the incessant tide. 

Shane spun in place, hoping like hell that maybe there was someone closer than he had thought, a family, an adult, _anyone_. 

No one was near enough. No one but him had heard or seen the boy who had probably been caught by an unseen riptide. 

"Help!" he shouted anyways, hands cupped around his mouth in a worthless effort to be heard. The wind whipped the words away and he knew it was useless to try again, but he did anyways. No distant figure turned to look at him or acknowledge that they heard anything.

There was another thin, pitiful cry from the ocean and Shane pushed aside the fear and the shakiness of his limbs and ran straight into the surf, diving under as soon as the water reached his thighs. 

Adrenaline beat hard through his body as he struck out awkwardly, fighting against the waves pushing him back towards the shore. He didn’t know enough about the tides to know if the water was going in or out, but the wind was picking up as the sky grew darker and the water around him was getting choppier. 

The boy saw him, his eyes wide and terrified as he started struggling towards Shane, paddling furiously in a panicked way that was only going to exhaust him. Each passing second felt like an eternity and Shane was all too aware that the current had changed and now both of them were being pushed farther and farther away from land. He was finally able to get close enough to grab ahold of one of the boy’s flailing arms, tugging him closer and trying to avoid getting kicked or kicking the poor boy in turn. 

He wasn’t a strong swimmer like this. When everyone else had been taking swim lessons at the local YMCA, he had been sleeping in and pestering his brother that it was his turn on the Playstation. He knew enough to stay afloat and splash vaguely in the direction he wanted to go, which was all he had ever needed. 

With a sixty-pound kid attached to him, he was floundering. The boy's desperate, terrified struggling was pulling both of them under the surface, and while he would be fine, the kid was going to end up drowning himself in his terror. 

A wave broke over them, pushing and tumbling them further under the water. Shane surfaced with a gasp, pulling as hard with his skinny arms as he could to bring the boy back up. There was enough time for him to hear a spluttered, wet cough as the boy tried to clear his mouth of water, then another wave hit. 

This time the boy’s hand was wrenched from his gasp and when Shane had finally righted himself, he couldn’t see him anywhere. Nothing but white-capped waves around him and the shore growing steadily more distant, the lighthouse on the point a cruel beacon. He tried to drive down under the water, but it was too murky for him to see clearly. 

Not with these eyes. 

Fear pressed harder than the weight of the ocean around him at the idea of what he was contemplating, but he couldn’t let a kid die because he was afraid. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself. 

Keeping a secret wasn’t worth watching someone drown. 

No matter what the stories said. 

It wasn’t determination or courage that let him make the decision. He didn’t feel any kind of bravery. There was nothing but sick terror that he was doing the wrong thing as he dove under the waves, kicked off his trunks, and breathed deep of the salty water. 

A rush of bitter brine poured down his throat and filled his lungs, warmer than he liked. The change tingled through him, a flush of static energy that hurt from how quickly he was forcing it. 

Before his body had fully settled, while his limbs were still vaguely recognizable as human, he struck out through the ocean, rolling his head wildly to peer through the depths with eyes that were far more suited for the water than they had been. 

For a terrible moment he thought he really had lost the boy, then he caught a flash of movement, the kid only a couple of feet under the surface of the waves but clearly disoriented and unsure which way was up. He was struggling against nothing, twisting and turning, his face screwed up in desperation to keep that last bit of precious oxygen inside. 

Shane moved as fast as he could, cursing the depth of the water and the unfamiliar current that tugged at him as he swam. His kind was not meant for the expanse of the ocean and he could already feel the burn of salt in his lungs as he breathed the oddly thick water. 

He panicked for a moment when he reached the boy. His arms were no longer arms and he was afraid of hurting the boy with his teeth, but he had no other choice. He clamped his mouth around one flailing, outstretched arm, wincing when his sharp teeth cut through skin and lodged in muscle. The boy let out a scream of fear and pain, the sound bubbling out of him with the last of his air. 

Striking for the surface, Shane arched his neck and flung the boy in the direction of his back, hoping that the boy hadn’t gulped water, that in his panicked flailing he would manage to latch on and wouldn’t let go. 

His frantic prayers were answered as they broke the surface, the boy inhaling once to splutter and let out great hacking coughs that sounded like they ripped from his throat. Small fingers tangled in Shane’s hair, pulling hard as the boy scrambled to get onto his back. 

Blood bloomed in the water around them, dark in the last glimmering light of the sun, the smell making Shane’s nostrils flare. He opened his mouth and dipped his head into the water, washing out the taste of the boy’s blood before he could get used to it, ignoring age-old instinct to _dive_. Instead, he fought to keep afloat as he paddled back to shore. His legs were much stronger like this, propelling him through the waves faster than he had managed in his clumsy other form. 

He was so freakin’ relieved to see his parents waiting on the edge of the beach, half in the surf as they looked for him, that he almost let his body sink back down into the water. But the horrified yelp of the boy on his back reminded him that his charge could only breathe air. 

Again, he pushed down the thought he should have been trying to drown the boy and instead swam forward, head turned to watch both the shore and the confused, terrified kid on his back. Shane knew he was lucky the boy was obviously too exhausted to fight, but judging by the shivering that probably had more to do with fear than cold, it was only a matter of time before the boy started freaking out. 

Fuck, _he_ was starting to freak out. No one had ever been on his back before and the weight pressed down on his ribs in a way that was weird and uncomfortable. He was big for his age but he wasn’t an adult and even a kid could get pretty heavy. 

As soon as his feet touched the rough, sandy ground of the shallows, he surged forward with one last wave, foam washing up around him as he came to a tired, stumbling halt in front of his parents, wheezing and trembling. 

There was a long moment where the little hands in his hair tightened, a quiet whimper filling his ears. Then his father approached and coaxed the boy off his back, making comforting noises and pointedly turning the boy around, keeping prying eyes off Shane. 

“Hurry, there’s people coming,” Shane’s mother hissed, grabbing a towel from the bag slung over her shoulder. 

Shane concentrated on the air he was breathing and forced the change to happen, again far quicker than usual. It hurt but there were growing specks of people farther up the shoreline and he needed to be human as fast as possible. He fell into his mother’s arms when his legs gave out under him. She wrapped him in the towel and pulled him into a fierce hug, whispering in his ear, “I’m proud of you, you idiot. You scared the hell out of us.”

“I couldn’t let him-” Shane tried to say, but his mother shushed him just in time, as a family that had been running down the beach came into hearing distance at that moment. 

At their distant cries, the boy looked up from Shane’s father’s shoulder and shouted, “Mom!” in the first coherent word Shane had heard out of him. He struggled until he was let down, looking wet, miserable, and so relieved that Shane couldn’t help but feel a moment of pure elation. 

Fuck. He had really done it. He had saved a boy from drowning. 

The boy tried to run towards his family, but tripped on his weak legs. He didn’t let that stop him, picking himself back up so that he could run straight into his mother’s arms, babbling so fast that none of the words made sense. 

Shane told himself he was glad the kid hadn’t swallowed that much water and that he wasn’t looking at where blood from the marks left by his teeth were dripping onto the sand. 

“Come on,” his mother whispered. “Let’s go before they start getting curious.”

Making some polite noises about a flight in the morning, they left as quickly and as unobtrusively as they could, dodging the thanks and confused questions. They had nearly made it to the wooden fences that marked the beginning of the path back to the parking lot, when Shane heard pounding footsteps and a breathless, high-pitched, “Wait!”

Shane was startled when a small hand slipped into his, tugging him to a stop. He looked down in surprise at the wide-eyed, exhausted gaze of a child who was obviously in pain and trying not to show it. 

“My name is Ryan,” the boy said, his voice scratched and strained from coughing up seawater. 

“Shane,” was the automatic reply. He was too tired and shaky from the adrenaline crash to think about lying. 

The boy smiled up at him, wonder in his gaze. “Thank you, Shane. Thank you for saving me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to theawfuledges, Emilia, and my recent harried trip to the Atlantic coast, I was inspired. 
> 
> I've never actually been to any of the beaches around LA, so if something is glaringly wrong as the story progress, blame Google :P


	2. Chapter 2

“What the fuck is _that_?”

Shane looked down at Maycie innocently, barely able to hold in his smile. “Yes?”

“That _hat_-”

“You look like a grandfather,” Sara interrupted, slinging her arm around Maycie’s shoulders and staring at Shane with one eye squinted in a look of exasperated amusement. “Are those Birkenstocks?”

Shane tilted the brim of his _perfectly suitable hat, thank you_, with his knuckle, grinning at his friends' expressions. “These ol’ things? I got them on sale.”

“Christ, I can’t believe I agreed to be seen in public with you,” Eugene muttered as he walked past them, signaling the start of the general exodus towards the beach. Shane was glad he had caught an Uber to this little event, because watching four co-workers and two significant others get out of one car had looked both comical and miserable.

He trailed after the others, letting them lead the way as he looked around with interest. Six months of living in LA and this was the first time he was taking a trip to the beach. When Maycie had learned that he hadn’t done more than drive down the coast once or twice, she had practically blackmailed him into promising that he would come with some of their co-workers the next time they all went.

The beach was exactly as crowded as he had expected it to be on a Saturday in August. On Zuma Beach. In Malibu. Standing on the edge of the parking lot, he thought he could see more people than sand.

Two men walked past carrying surfboards. They were tan, ripped, shoeless, and one called the other ‘brah’. Shane had to physically bite the inside of his cheek to keep from saying anything out loud.

Sara must have seen his expression, because she laughed at him before taking off her own sandals and trotted out onto the sand to catch up with Maycie. There was nothing to do but shake his head and follow everyone.

“I’m going to step on somebody,” he remarked to Keith as they threaded through the laid out towels and beach umbrellas, trying not to trip over hands or feet or tiny children building sand castles.

Keith and Maycie’s husband laughed but Eugene was the one to say, “It’s not as bad I was expecting.”

Shane raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “My apartment has a pool. There’s a lot fewer people. I’m just saying.”

Maycie smacked him lightly on the arm. “Get into the spirit of things. Enjoy the sun and the water.”

“The sunburn and the sand in odd places,” Shane added on, but he smiled to show he was joking. Honestly, it was kind of nice to get out and it felt good to know that he was meshing well enough with his co-workers that they would think to invite him along. And maybe now Maycie would stop pestering him about how weird it was that he never went to the beach.

He figured the truth wouldn’t be believed. As he amused himself with picturing the look on her face if he told her he was a shapeshifting fairy tale, the sound and scent of the water tugged at him. A siren call that made him long to push everyone aside and dive headfirst into the waves.

Instead of following that call, he made himself comfy in the spot the others had staked out. A beach towel, sunglasses, enough sunscreen to keep himself from turning into a lobster, a book, and he was all set.

He whistled as the others took off their shirts to reveal their swimming suits and trunks, grinning when more than one item of clothing was flung at his face. Even Keith’s wife threw her towel at him, which made him grin harder. He loved when he could affect mere acquaintances like that.

“Are you seriously not going to get in the water?” Sara asked a few minutes later, pulling her curls up into a knot on the top of her head.

Shane held up his book. “I’m going to bake for awhile. You guys go ahead, I’ll watch the stuff.”

Sara hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and turned away with a wave and a “Suit yourself.”

He hoped that would be the end of that and no one else would think to drag him into the water. It had been over a month since the last time he had been able to submerge himself in fresh water, since SoCal wasn’t exactly the land of lakes. They did exist, thank God, but it wasn’t quite like living next to Lake Michigan.

Maybe it was about time he scheduled another mini vacation.

The hour passed pleasantly enough. As long as he ignored the heat of the sun making him sweat and the longing to jump into the water making him sweat even more, anyways. There were plenty of awkward tourists who were equally as pale as him and decked out with the ubiquitous hats and fanny packs, so he didn’t stand out too much. Of course, the rest of the people wandering down the beach or playing around in the water were Hollywood pretty, which was as pleasant to watch as it was aggravating. He got it, everyone and their dog had a personal trainer. They didn’t have to flaunt it with such tight and tiny swimsuits, though.

His book was forgotten after a while as he sat and watched his friends- because he figured he could call them friends now- mess around in the waves. Sara and Maycie were trying to dunk Maycie’s husband under the water and everyone else was laughing at him. It was obvious it was all in good fun but Shane jumped when a loud, high-pitched whistle went off farther down the beach. A man in the bright red shorts of a lifeguard waved at Sara and Maycie, shaking his head ‘no’ with exaggerated motions.

When it was clear that there wasn’t going to be anymore pretend drownings, the man continued to walk towards the closest lifeguard tower. Shane couldn't help but study him.

There were plenty of attractive people in LA. Quite a few on the beach Shane was currently sitting on. It wasn’t like he had never seen a hot guy before. But something about the easy, confident way the lifeguard walked along the sand, the defined muscles in his back shifting with each stride, and his dark hair tousled and wet like he had recently taken a quick dip into the ocean drew Shane’s eye.

He allowed himself a few seconds to stare, then he forced his gaze back to towards the waves. Maybe he’d have to watch a couple episodes of Baywatch when he got home. Let the ‘Hoff be his entertainment for a night.

Eugene was the first back, settling next to Shane with a sigh. They chatted for a few minutes, but their easy-going conversation about the next project they would be working on was interrupted by Maycie running up and wrapping her water-chilled hands around Shane’s wrists and tugging him to his feet.

“Come on, loser, we’re throwing you in. And leave the hat.”

Shane let himself be led, his original plan of staying out of the ocean easily ignored. It was hard to say no to Maycie when she was so infectiously bubbly and damn it, he had self-control. He could swim around in the water without anything weird happening.

He was surprised when the first wave washed over his feet. The water was definitely colder than the air temperature but it was still far warmer than he was used to. It almost felt like stepping into a tepid bath. He wasn’t sure if he liked it.

Maycie continued to pull him into the water, dragging him through the surf towards the others and ignoring his shocked protests when water splashed up above his knees before he was ready for it.

“Get wild, have some fun,” she told him, pushing him towards Sara with a joyful laugh. He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and braced his feet in the prickly sand against the tug of the tide.

“I’m pretty sure you missed a few spots with the sunscreen,” Sara said with a wry twist to her smile. “You’re going to be peeling in some weird streaks in a few days.”

Shane looked down and grimaced when he saw that she was right. There were a few patches on his chest and shoulders that were already a bright red. “This is why I’m meant to stay inside when the sun is out,” he whined jokingly, though he didn’t actually mind.

The cool caress of the water felt far too good on his skin for him to care. The water wasn’t quite right. It was too warm and smelled wrong. But already a part of him was settling, glad to be back in an environment that was far more natural than dry land ever was. It reinforced his decision to find a lake to visit sometime soon. Showers and baths only did so much for him and his family, though he was glad he was of the freshwater variety of fairy tales and could go anywhere that had streams or lakes. His cousins preferred saltwater and they were essentially forced to live along coastlines.

His enjoyment of the water was shattered by a child screaming.

There had already been shouting, yelling, and even a few surprisingly blood-curdling screams as the day had progressed, the sheer number of families on the beach keeping it from being a peaceful outing.

This scream was filled with terror.

Shane looked up, instantly spotting the source of the sound while everyone else in the surf milled around in confusion. It was a young girl, no more than three or four, slapping at the arms of a woman who was floating face down in the water. She was far too motionless to be snorkeling.

The girl and what had to be her mother weren’t the farthest group of people out into the ocean, but Shane wasn’t sure they were close enough for a lifeguard to have heard the screams.

There was no hesitation as he told Sara to get help and then dove into the next wave, moving towards the woman with sure, even strokes that had come at the expense of ten summers straight of swim lessons.

The deeper the water became around him, the harder it was to ignore that urge to change, right there on a crowded beach, but he ruthlessly ignored that urge and focused on the woman he was trying to reach.

As much as he wanted to check the woman as soon as he was close enough to touch, he saw right away that the little floaties on the girl’s arms, the only things that had been keeping her afloat, were about to slip off of her wrists. Her flailing and slapping at her mother had dislodged them and she looked too young to be able to swim on her own if they did come off.

Hoping he was making the right choice, Shane scooped up the little girl, pulling her towards his chest and continuously saying things that he wasn’t paying attention to. He was sure he said his name and that she would be safe but most of his focus was on the still unmoving woman, who was starting to drift away with the force of the waves. He reached out and grabbed the woman’s arm, trying to figure out a way to get her head out of the water and then-

A splash behind him, a deeply tanned shoulder entered his peripheral vision, and then the same dark-haired lifeguard from earlier appeared from out of nowhere, startling Shane. He righted the woman with fast, confident movements and then cast a quick glance towards Shane. “Can you handle the girl?” he asked in a brisk, no-nonsense manner. Shane nodded, but he had the feeling that if he had said no, the guy wouldn’t have even blinked and would have been able to pull both the woman and the girl back toward shore.

The lifeguard took off, somehow using the red float that was attached to his wrist to keep the woman’s head above the water. He headed back toward the shore using only one arm and his legs to swim faster than Shane could have managed with both arms.

Shane stared after him for a moment, then turned his attention back to the little girl in his arms, who was sobbing and crying as her mother was pulled away from her. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, your mom’s going to be okay,” he soothed, paddling at a much slower pace. The girl ignored his attempts and he couldn’t say he blamed her.

Halfway back and another lifeguard swam towards him, a blonde with a broad smile that didn’t entirely hide the worry in her eyes. “You got her until we get to the beach?”

“Yeah,” Shane said, relieved that someone else was there to take the girl.

Not that she made the handoff easy. The girl had apparently decided in the intervening time between the new lifeguard showing up and them reaching the sand that she was attached to Shane. It wasn’t until the girl’s father came sprinting towards them that she decided to let go of his neck.

As soon as he was able to step away, leaving it to the lifeguard to make sure everything was on the up and up, Shane was surrounded by his friends.

“Oh my God, what happened?”

“Is that woman okay?”

“Are you okay?”

Shane held up his hands. “I don’t know, I- Excuse me,” he said, looking around until he could see where a ring of people were standing around the woman’s prone form and the dark-haired lifeguard. He thought the man was trying to give her CPR but he couldn’t really see through all the bodies.

Dodging around his friends, he tried to edge closer, lurking around the crowd and trying not to feel like a rubber-necking voyeur. He knew there wasn’t anything he could do to help, but after having a girl who was barely older than a toddler sobbing on his shoulder, he needed to make sure everyone was going to be okay.

Relief made him go weak when he heard a series of wet coughs and he sat down abruptly in the sand, hanging his head between his drawn up knees. He ignored the dispersing crowd and only vaguely noticed the presence of paramedics showing up and taking the still coughing woman away on a stretcher.

Damn, he didn't remember being this tired after the last time he had saved someone.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he registered a pair of very nice calves standing in front of him. Feeling exhausted, he slowly lifted his head to meet the scowl of the first lifeguard.

“Hey, maybe try to leave the lifesaving to the professionals next time, yeah?”

Shane let his eyelids drop in one slow blink, showing his confusion. “What?”

“We don’t need idiots playing hero and causing even more of a mess,” the man said with a glare, going so far as to put his hands on his hips.

Faint indignation and anger stirred. “Excuse me?” Shane asked, an edge to his voice.

The blonde lifeguard who had taken the girl walked up to them and put her hand on the man’s shoulder before he could respond. “Ryan,” she said soothingly. “You need to chill. Don’t attack the guy for trying to help.”

‘Ryan’s scowl deepened and he looked like he wanted to say something scathing, but he finally sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Whatever. Sorry, dude.”

For all that Shane could understand why it would be annoying to have people getting in the way of rescue attempts, he felt pretty confident in the fact that he had done everything right. As soon as he opened his mouth to tell the man in no uncertain terms that he would have done the exact same thing if presented with the opportunity to do it all over again, the man gave him some kind of nodding shrug, turned on his heel, and walked back towards the closest tower.

“Don’t mind him,” the blonde said, shaking her head and grimacing sympathetically. “He had to rescue a couple of idiots yesterday who thought they could save someone by themselves without getting help. It was a whole cluster.”

Shane stared after the retreating form of the man, his anger falling away. “It’s fine,” he said slowly, not entirely aware of what was coming out of his mouth. “Guy’s cute when he’s angry.”

The blonde snorted and grinned tiredly. “You hear that, Ryan?” she yelled over her shoulder. “You’re cute when you’re angry!”

Ryan paused, then started to raise his hand in an unmistakable flipping off gesture, but halfway through he turned it into an irritated wave, probably remembering that he was working and on a family beach.

Shane smiled despite himself.

\------------------------------

“You’re making this rescue thing a habit.”

“All I did was help a little girl get to the shore,” Shane said, idly wandering into the kitchen as he spoke. He eyed the pile of dishes in the sink, wondering if he could get away with washing them while his mom talked.

“And that’s more than anyone else did,” came the reply, and Shane smiled as he rolled his eyes. It was such a proud mom answer.

But it wasn’t exactly true. “Two lifeguards were there right behind me, Mom,” he gently corrected. “The one, the guy, I’m pretty sure he saved the woman’s life.”

“That’s their job, honey.”

Shane stopped himself from saying anything and hummed noncommittally, instead. There was no point being defensive on the lifeguard's behalf. He was a little surprised that his initial reaction was to take the guy’s side, actually. It wasn't like they'd had the greatest interaction

His mother took his silence as agreement and moved on from the topic, starting her weekly round of family gossip. Sometimes Shane grew homesick, but his mother made darn sure that it wasn't from a lack of information. He wouldn't have been surprised if he knew family news before anyone else did.

Putting the phone on speaker, he sat it down and started filling the sink, letting the cold water play over his hand. Tap water always felt dead and sterile to him, but it helped scratch an itch that never went away until he could change.

He managed to get halfway through the dishes before his mother said something that caught his attention.

“- and your cousin Paul finally broke up with that Linda woman.”

“That’s a pity. I liked her.”

His mother made a dismissive noise. “They only met twice before dating and you know how that goes.”

Shane held back his sigh. His family’s superstitions were a point of contention with him and not a small part of the reason why he had decided to move so far away. At least in LA, he didn’t have to weather the constant scrutiny over who he decided to date.

“Apparently he was thinking of telling her.”

Motions slowing, Shane sat down the plate he was scrubbing. “Seriously?”

His mom’s voice became a mix of scandalized and gleeful that she got to share such shocking news. Under that was the same fear that lay in every member of his family. “Yup. Thank God he found some common sense.”

“But we don’t tell anyone that we-” Shane cut himself off. When everything and everyone could hack into phones and laptops, it never felt safe to say anything out loud around technology.

“Especially someone you didn’t meet three times. Fate doesn’t play around-”

And that was when Shane stopped listening. Cultural myths were all well and good, but believing them to the point of letting a _superstition_ affect social choices was stupid. Nearly as stupid as deciding to let someone that wasn’t even a spouse in on a fantastical family secret.

“So have you met anyone down there yet?”

Shane rolled his eyes as he took the phone off speaker and tucked it between his ear and his shoulder, deciding to let his hands air dry. It felt more natural than using a towel. “Co-workers, Uber drivers-”

His mom groaned. “Shane… “

“No, Mom,” he said, being sure to let his exasperation show in his voice. “I’m focused on work and some side projects. Living here isn’t exactly cheap. I don’t have time for dating.”

“I mean friends. I’m hip with the time, I know better than to try and marry you off.”

“Yeah, us young'uns, out here destroying the sanctity of marriage.”

With a soft laugh, she said, “You know your cousin Jonah would be more than happy to introduce you to some of his in-laws. There’s an entire clan of them in the area. It’d be good for you to socialize. Get out and do something.”

“I’m not an otter person,” Shane said wryly, grinning when the answer made his mother laugh.

“Don’t be a dick, they’re lovely people.”

Shane thought back to the one time he had met Jonah’s in-laws. “That’s one way of saying it. I can’t wait to see what his children are going to look like.”

His mother laughed again in that exasperated way she often used when talking to him, but before he thought he was entirely in the clear, she abruptly said, “Promise me you won’t use one of those dating apps.”

“Mom…”

“I’m serious, Shane. Let Fate do as she will.”

Shane carefully didn’t say that he was pretty sure Fate helped those who helped themselves because he didn’t want to get into that argument all over again. He just sighed and agreed.

It wasn’t like he was looking for love, anyways.

\----------------------------------------

Shane reflected, as he stood by himself in a ridiculously long line, that maybe his mother had a point. Going to a horror movie marathon by himself was probably a little sad.

On the other hand, he didn’t actually care. He was going to get his bucket of popcorn and then he was going to enjoy six hours of Michael Myers stabbing people. It would have been nice if Keith had been able to make it, but he wasn’t particularly upset that something had come up for his co-worker.

He was amused to see that the theater had hired an actor to dress up as Michael and he had no shame in taking out his phone and trying to take a picture with the hand that wasn’t holding his food. Just as he hit the button, somebody bumped into him. He stumbled forward, watching mournfully as the top layer of his popcorn cascaded to the ground.

“Oh shit, sorry, man-”

Shane righted himself and turned, an automatic ‘sorry’ on his lips when he registered tousled dark hair and biceps that he may or may not have dreamed about.

“It’s you,” the lifeguard from two months ago exclaimed. What had his name been? Ryan? Bryan? His eyes were wide and brown and it dawned on Shane that he needed to stop staring and noticing eye color.

“It’s me,” he agreed, glancing down at his bucket. “Missing popcorn.” Normally he wouldn’t have said anything about it, but dang it, it was _popcorn_.

Possibly-Ryan winced, clutching his own bucket closer to his chest in sympathy. “Fuck, I yell at you and then I try to knock you over and make you lose precious popcorn. You must think I’m an asshole.”

Shane nodded and said before he could help himself, “It’s true. Prime asshole actions right there.”

Maybe-Ryan let out a laugh, sounding shocked and delighted at Shane’s answer and Shane straightened up, a brief flare of giddiness making him smile over having gotten that sound out of such a cute guy. “Actually,” he added, because he didn’t want the guy to think he was serious, “I’m mostly surprised you remember me.”

That got him an embarrassed expression, the guy looking away and shifting on his feet as if he was nervous. He hadn’t expected that kind of reaction. “You, uh, made an impression.”

“Hopefully a good one,” Shane said with a wink. He realized after the fact that he was flirting.

Oh God, he was flirting. With someone that was practically a stranger.

A couple of people walked up while he struggled over that epiphany, eyeing Shane curiously. “Hey, Ryan, you good to go?” the woman asked.

“Oh, yeah, I’m good.” Definitely-Ryan smiled at him and awkwardly pointed towards the theater doors. “Guess I’ll go. To the movie.”

“That is what you do at movie theaters, yes,” Shane just had to add, enjoying the way the guy snickered.

Ryan opened his mouth to say something that was probably a swear, considering his expression, but he shook his head and smiled, instead. “Maybe I’ll see you later, man. Sorry again.”

Shane trailed after Ryan and his friends, idly fantasizing about a third coincidental meeting. Sure, he didn’t believe in Fate and the power of threes the way that his family did, but he had still grown up the stories. It was neat to think that he could run into the guy again some day.

He never really lost sight of Ryan, but his seat was far enough away that he was easily able to focus on the movies and only occasionally looked over to watch the man startle at the clearly telegraphed jumpscares. It was a fun experience overall and he was glad he had decided to go, even if it was by himself.

By the end of the third movie, though, he was more than ready to go home and sleep. It was late and as dark as it ever got in LA when he stepped out of the theater, no other thought on his mind than finding his car and making it back to his bed.

“Hey! Hey, wait a second.”

Shane looked around in time to see a determined Ryan jogging up towards him. “Hey,” he greeted, smiling tiredly. “Ryan, right?”

The guy nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with them. “Yeah. You?”

“Shane,” he said, suddenly very aware of his own hands. They were just hanging uselessly at his sides and wow, why was he so nervous?

At his answer, Ryan’s eyes went wide and then narrowed as he stepped closer, studying Shane. “Shane? Really?”

“Yes? That’s what it says on my birth certificate.”

After a second, Ryan shook his head. “I knew a Shane that- Nevermind, forget about it. “

Shane waited for the guy to continue but he eventually had to say, “So…”

“Right. Uh-” Ryan pulled his hands out of his pockets, rubbing them together in a clear set of nerves. He bit his lip and risked a quick glance up. The entire set of movements was incredibly distracting. Between the slide of flesh between his teeth and the way his eyelashes framed his eyes from that angle, Shane had to wonder if he was in the middle of a particularly detailed dream about a lifeguard. Hot people rarely looked at him with that kind of expression. “You want to get dinner sometime? I figure I owe you, right?”

For one brief second, despite all of his logic and rational thinking, Shane felt a surge of disappointment. A third meeting didn’t count if it was planned. Two was merely chance.

He pushed those thoughts away, annoyed at himself. He wasn’t going to let superstition rule his life. “Like a date? Or just friends?”

Ryan leaned back on his heels, looking one second away from bolting. “Either, I guess, but I was… Well, I was hoping for a date.”

Shane took one look at that nervous, hopeful face, and said ‘fuck you’ to Fate. “I think a date would be a great way to pay me back for the popcorn. A little quid pro quo.”

“You like sushi?” Ryan grinned as he asked, his shoulders dropping in relief.

“Ryan,” Shane said, grinning for an entirely different reason. “You have no idea how much I like sushi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the enthusiasm for this! While I have a basic plot, some of the details are still up in the air, so keep an eye on the tags for upcoming chapters. 
> 
> Thanks again, y'all <3


	3. Chapter 3

“So you weren’t exaggerating when you said you like sushi.”

Shane pointed his chopsticks at Ryan, flashing him a quick grin before going back to watching the ever-moving line of plates like a hawk. “There’s a reason I told you you’re not paying for this.”

“Jesus,” Ryan whispered, his own chopsticks and sushi forgotten as he watched with fascinated horror. “Are you part cat?”

“Not quite,” Shane said absently, snagging a plate of sashimi.

God, he loved fish. Any fish, including the cooked stuff. He had learned early on that people gave him a weird look if he ate nothing but raw fish and rice, so whenever he was at a sushi place that used the conveyor belt system, he made sure to grab something that wasn’t raw. After that, though? All bets were off. The rawer the better and he was delighted that humanity had given him an excuse to eat fish like this in public.

Shane’s mouth watered as he studied the delicate pink meat of the salmon in front of him, the smell of fresh fish filling his nose. Getting fresh salmon back home was rare and he had come to learn that he loved the smooth tang when he had moved to California. Yet another reason to be thankful his parents had let him leave.

The burst of flavor as he chewed made him hum to himself in enjoyment. He added the plate to the stack next to his elbow that was already twice as high as Ryan’s, then eagerly snatched a plate of tuna sashimi before it could move past him. The dark, almost-red pink of tuna was a lovely contrast to the salmon and it damn near melted in his mouth, fatty and juicy and _delicious_.

It wasn’t until he swallowed that he realized he had completely missed whatever Ryan had said. He sheepishly put his chopsticks down and took a drink of water to clear his throat. “I’m not being a very good date right now, am I?” he mused, forcing himself to look away from the line of goodness. “What did you say?”

Luckily, Ryan looked more amused than offended. “You’re fine. I just asked if you liked sushi more than popcorn, but I think you’ve already answered that.”

“Wait,” Shane said, staring into the distance as he was struck by a thought. “_Sushi popcorn_.”

Ryan made a face. “Oh God. What, like those Christmas popcorn balls, but there’s raw fish in the center or something?”

“I was thinking a regular bag of popcorn with little bits of fish sprinkled on top, but I like where your mind is going. A new Christmas tradition!”

Ryan laughed at that, far harder than the joke warranted. In the hour they had spent together that day, Shane had already evoked that reaction twice. He couldn’t help but think about the age-old adage that people laughed harder at the jokes made by the people they liked and he was thrilled by the idea. Ryan was cute as hell when he laughed. Or smiled. Or frowned. Or-

Shane quickly jerked his gaze away from Ryan’s face, realizing that he had been staring like a love-sick loon. Which was a bit of an extreme reaction for someone that he had known for an accumulated time of about two hours. To try and save himself from his embarrassment, he grabbed the first plate he saw from the belt, not paying attention to what it was.

Then Ryan’s smile turned into a look of surprise. “Whoa, what is that?”

Glancing down at what he had grabbed, Shane shrugged when he saw the delicately sliced folds of white, almost see-through flesh. “Squid.” He picked up his chopsticks and added, “Not my favorite, but it has a certain charm to it.”

Ryan’s face twisted, sheer disbelief making him wrinkle his nose. “Are you seriously going to eat that?”

“Yup,” Shane said simply, popping the meat into his mouth and chewing smugly when Ryan’s face grew even more disgusted.

“I can’t tell if you’re trying to impress me or you’re insane.”

Shane shrugged philosophically. “The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I don’t have your muscles, so I’ll have to impress you in other ways.”

“And eating gross shit will impress me? What is this, kindergarten? Are you going to pull my pigtails next?” At Shane’s snort of laughter, Ryan shook his head, though he couldn’t hide his small smile. “Dude, I’m half-Japanese and I can’t eat raw squid. I can barely eat calamari and that’s deep-fried.”

Raising his eyebrows in surprise, Shane swallowed and said, too high on the joy of being on a date with someone that he clicked so well with to think about his words, “My cousins in Japan love raw squid.”

Ryan paused, then did a slow pan over his face. “You have cousins in Japan?”

Realizing his mistake, Shane’s heart felt like it stopped in his chest for one terrifying moment. Hoping his fear didn’t show on his face, he glanced down at his decidedly white hands and smirked shakily. For a moment he thought about being defensive, but he didn’t think that was the right tact to take if he wanted to keep the conversation going. As wry as he could, he said, “They’re in-laws. Obviously.”

It wasn't the right time to say that he had ‘cousins’ all over the world and ‘cousins’ was easier to say than ‘other subspecies of the fantastical shape-shifting race that I’m a part of and we all keep in touch and inter-marry so that inbreeding doesn’t become a problem, so _technically_ they really are cousins.’

It would probably never be the right time for that.

Ryan shook his head again, still smiling. “Are you finished eating?” The corner of his mouth quirked up higher, though his voice became a little wobbly in nerves when he suggested, “We could get out of here and hang out?”

“Ryan,” Shane said in a scandalized tone of voice, relieved that Ryan was dismissing what he had accidentally revealed so easily. “Just what are you suggesting?”

“Not sex at my place, because I have roommates,” Ryan said bluntly, his forthright words coming at the cost of splotches of color rising in his cheeks.

Heat flushed throughout Shane’s body, the tips of his fingers tingling. He had to swallow to get his voice to work correctly. “I don’t put out till the third date, anyways.”

“So I have to keep you interested for at least two more?”

Shane leaned forward, growing confidence making it easier for him to add some sly humor to his expression when he said, “I knew it. You only want me for my body.”

Ryan’s eyes flickered down, as if he could see all of Shane through the table. “It’s a lot of body, that’s for sure.”

Their flirting was interrupted by a waiter coming up to tally their plates and give them their checks. Shane winced internally at the price, but couldn’t really begrudge himself the meal. It wasn’t often that he was given an excuse to eat fresh, raw, high-quality fish.

It was dusk by the time they left the restaurant and Shane was surprised to see how late it was. After the initial few minutes of awkwardness, their conversation had flowed so easily that it felt like no time had passed at all.

They loitered next to Ryan’s car for far longer than they should have, talking about ghosts of all things. Ryan’s assertion that all that malarkey was real was _fascinating_ and honestly a little adorable. Shane wasn’t surprised in the slightest to learn that Ryan had a small YouTube channel of himself and friends going to ‘haunted’ locations and freaking themselves out on GoPros. Since he worked for a small production company, Shane shared a few of the stories he had about dealing with other YouTubers and he realized that it was the first conversation he’d had about the industry in California that he wasn’t annoyed by.

He vowed to himself that he would find Ryan’s channel as soon as he got home. Half so that he could mock Ryan, but also so he could learn more about him, like some kind of stalker. He had to wonder if there were any tips he could give Ryan if the guy ever wanted to take his ghost hunting videos seriously.

Shane nearly took up the offer to go someplace else to continue the conversation. He felt like he could have grown drunk on Ryan’s words and the way he licked his lips, the enthusiastic way he gestured when he became excited about something, the soft curve of his smile when Shane was talking.

But he had work tomorrow. Or at least, that was the excuse he gave himself. It was rare for him to so instantly connect with someone and God, he didn’t want to admit it, but he was _lonely_. There were more pros than cons to the freedom of living so far away from his family and his slew of cousins but he missed them all the same. While he had a good relationship with most of his co-workers, Ryan was the first person that he felt like he could be himself around. And that was dangerous. It would be all too easy to say things he shouldn’t.

Fuck, he already had. He’d have to learn to keep his comments about his ‘cousins’ generic, or Ryan would begin to suspect something was wrong. It wasn’t like hunters of the supernatural were a real thing anymore, but Shane had had too many childhood years of secrecy drilled into him to feel anything except a vague but real dread at the idea of anyone being suspicious.

Too many people were willing to make a quick buck and evidence of a shapechanging race could make someone a tidy sum if they knew how to play the media right. Not that he thought Ryan was really the type, but Shane couldn’t be entirely sure. The guy did hunt ghosts in his free time.

“However,” he said in the face of Ryan’s obvious disappointment. “I figure you still owe me for the popcorn at the theater.”

Ryan raised one eyebrow, his smile as relieved as it was challenging. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Shane nodded, dropping a wink and as charming a smile as he could manage. “You didn’t pay for dinner this time, so there needs to be another time.”

“Ah, so it’s a business transaction and not a second date,” Ryan mused.

Heart in his throat, telegraphing his movements to give the other man the chance to back away if he wanted to, Shane leaned down and brushed a small kiss against Ryan’s cheek. “If that’s what you want to call it,” he murmured, resisting the urge to do it again. His lips felt electrified, the warmth of Ryan’s skin lingering far longer than it really had.

Ryan stared up at him for a long moment, then rose onto his toes to kiss Shane properly, the press of his lips insistent and hungry. At the hot swipe of Ryan’s tongue against the seam of his mouth, Shane nearly changed his mind about not inviting Ryan back to his place.

It was Ryan who pulled back, his eyes dark and intense, though his fingers shook when he gently pushed Shane away. “I’ll text you. I hope you like food trucks.”

“I’m a millennial, I love food trucks,” Shane said absently, knowing his smile was probably dopy and starstruck, but he didn’t care in the slightest.

“Okay,” Ryan breathed. “Later then. I… I’ll text you.”

“You already said that.”

Ryan ducked his head and took another full step away to pull open his car door. “Oh fuck off.”

“Not until the third date.”

Shane grinned to himself as he watched Ryan drive away, excited and warm to see that Ryan was still laughing as he left.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Shane slid into the car, going through the ritual of pushing the seat back so that his legs weren’t directly against the dashboard, then turned to Ryan and said, “Did you forget the other half of your shirt at home?”

Ryan scoffed as he pulled away from the curb. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”

“Oh I hate it,” Shane said easily. “But you’re giving me a pretty good reason to let it slide. Just this once.” He wasn’t surprised in the slightest that Ryan had shown up in a shirt that had the sleeves cut off so far that it was more hole than shirt, but he was a little disappointed in himself that he appreciated getting to see so much of Ryan’s skin. Not that he wasn’t going to tease the man mercilessly. “It’s not a bad view, so I’ll forgive you for mutilating a poor defenseless shirt like that.”

Though it was a surprise when Ryan ducked his head at the blatant admiration in his words.

“You walk up and down a beach shirtless as your job, you can’t tell me you don’t get compliments.”

“Don’t really pay attention to what people say when I’m patrolling,” Ryan muttered before rolling his shoulders in an awkward shrug and shooting Shane an annoyed glance. “And I do a bit more than walk up and down the beach.”

“Oh, I know,” Shane said, putting aside the warm feeling in his chest to think about later. He liked the idea that Ryan ignored others but listened to his compliments. “I watched an entire season of Baywatch in preparation for our first date.”

“Oh God. Please tell me you’re jok-” Ryan interrupted himself and sighed. “What am I saying? Of course you did. At least it wasn’t the movie.”

“While I have great respect for Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson, the ‘Hoff will always be my second favorite lifeguard.”

Ryan pursed his lips together, fighting a losing battle to hide his smile. “Don’t.”

Shane waited a second, then gleefully asked, “What, did you think I’d say you were my favorite?”

“Oh my God,” Ryan muttered.

Pleasant nerves sent butterflies through Shane’s stomach when he dared to place a hand on Ryan’s thigh. “Because you are.”

Ryan broke into startled laughter, looking over to meet Shane’s eyes. “Jesus, man, you’re ridiculous.”

Shane squeezed his hand once, taking a moment to appreciate the muscle he could feel under Ryan’s shorts, then cheerfully and loudly started singing, “Some people stand in the darkness! Afraid to stand in the light!”

“No!”

“Some people need to help somebody!” he sung louder, greedily drinking in the sight of Ryan’s exasperated smile that he kept trying to hide. Shane continued singing, only breaking off at the chorus to exclaim, “C’mon, Ryan, I need my back up vocals, don’t leave me hanging.”

“I swear to God-”

“You’re supposed to be there for me, Ry-guy.”

And then, against all expectation, Ryan let out a put-upon sigh and sang in a surprisingly pleasant voice, “I’ll be ready.”

“Yes! I’ll be ready!” Shane belted out, dissolving into helpless laughter when Ryan started giggling, unable to keep going.

They eventually settled down, if only because Ryan needed to drive. The silence that fell between them was comfortable and Shane liked that they could already do that. After awhile, he turned to studying Ryan. The man was undeniably attractive and it was easy to watch the way he moved and the shape of his lips as he mouthed the lyrics of the music playing on the radio.

While they were stopped at a light, Shane noticed a set of jagged scars on Ryan’s arm that had only been revealed because he was resting it against his window. They were faded and old, but still pale against his skin and Shane wondered how he hadn’t noticed them before.

He hesitated before asking, but they didn’t look like self-harm scars, and they definitely didn’t look like the kind of thing a rambunctious kid would get from doing something stupid. “What’s the story behind the scars? If you don’t mind?”

“Hmm?” Ryan glanced over at him in question, then suddenly straightened in his chair, turning his arm just enough that the paler underside was hidden. Now that Shane was looking, he could see there was a matching set of scars on top of Ryan’s arm, but they were so faded that they were barely thin lines in a wide crescent. “Oh, my arm. Uh, animal bite. When I was a kid.”

Shane whistled, impressed He wanted to lean forward, curious to see the marks closer, but it was clear that Ryan was a little uncomfortable. “Wow, that must have sucked. Dog?”

Ryan shook his head.

“Am I not thinking enough like a Californian?” Shane asked, wanting to make Ryan laugh and relax again. “Was it a shark? Did a shark think you were a delicious seal?”

With a small huff of a laugh that was more like an exhale than anything else, Ryan slowly turned his arm back around so that he could switch hands on the steering wheel, giving Shane a much clearer view. “More people are killed by cows than sharks.”

“That’s not a no.”

Ryan snorted, then sighed. He hesitated, sneaking a quick look over that Shane didn’t miss but couldn't interpret. “It was a horse.”

Shane couldn’t help the kneejerk reaction once the words filtered through. Adrenaline surged through him and he froze for one long, breathless moment. He hated that his response would have been so telling for anyone that knew what to look for, but he had always shied away from conversations about anything equine. It took a stern application of logic for him to be able to say, as nonchalantly as he could, “A horse? Really? How’d that happen.”

Anyone else would have picked up on how strained Shane sounded, but Ryan was focused hard on the road in front of them. “Accident, I think.”

“You think?” Shane asked, staring at Ryan. He had never forgotten rescuing a young boy and it was natural that his thoughts would instantly go towards that incident, but over the years most of the memories had faded into snapshots and vague impressions of fear. He could walk right past the grown-up version of the boy and never know.

Ryan _might_ have been the right age, but- If he asked where it had happened- If Ryan had been in Delaware-

Shane stopped the stream of internal questions, annoyed at himself. It had been years ago and thousands of miles away. Talk about a coincidence of monumental proportions. Not even Fate worked like that. She was more about cutesy romance tropes, he knew. All he had to do was think about the three cousins he knew who had married humans. All of their meetings had been something from a Hallmark movie.

And there was no way in hell he would reveal himself on an off chance, anyways. It would be normal to ask about the situation of getting such a bite, but it would be suspicious if he asked Ryan to describe the animal.

“You don’t seem like someone that would have been around a lot of horses growing up,” he settled on, turning it into an observation instead of a question.

“Doesn’t everyone go through a cowboy phase?” Ryan asked, something shifty in his tone. “I took riding lessons one summer.”

Shane relaxed slightly. “Wow, how badly did you suck?”

Ryan laughed, shaking his head. “Fuck off, man.”

Soon, the crazy suspicion completely disappeared.

Talking about the best film franchises in history over food truck tacos was far more important than entertaining a stupid idea that Ryan was the one person outside of his family to know what he was.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Date number three and Shane thought he was about to buzz out of his skin in anticipation. It was a late Sunday night and he wondered how he would survive the next day, but Ryan had shyly asked if he would be willing to do something a little different this time and Shane’s only choice had been to agree.

Those big brown eyes staring up at him was going to get him in trouble one day, he just knew it.

He had taken a Lyft to the same beach he had first met Ryan at, as they had decided to get together after Ryan got off work. Shane still didn’t really know how Ryan’s job really worked, but he assumed there had to be a timeclock somewhere.

It was weird to stand in a parking lot that most people were leaving, the setting sun falling behind the distant hills and sending everything into darkness. The sound of the ocean and the call of seagulls wheeling around in the air drew him forward as he stared longingly at the waves. He hadn’t had the time to find a large, isolated source of water and sometimes he thought he was going to itch his skin off. He _needed_ to change.

“Hey, Shane,” came a voice from right behind him and Shane jumped, whirling around with a splash to see that Ryan was standing there, staring at him with his eyebrows raised. “You about to do some night swimming?”

Shane looked down, shocked to see that he was ankle-deep in the surf. He didn’t even remember taking his shoes and socks off. He could see them laying farther up the beach. “Uh, yeah, something like that,” he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and running his fingers through the short hair there in a gesture that even he recognized as nervous. He would need to learn how to control his tics better if he was going to keep hanging out with Ryan.

Ryan shrugged. “It’s warm enough for it some days. Plenty of people do it.”

Relaxing, Shane threw a quick smile at him. “I like water.” That was an understatement.

That got him a short laugh. “And you think I don’t? I chose to be a lifeguard. C’mon, let’s get your shoes and we can walk along the beach for awhile.” He hesitated, then seemed to steel his nerves and stuck his hand out in an obvious invitation.

Shane felt something warm and bubbly fill him, an emotion that was equal parts giddy and nervous. “Bergara, you big sap,” he said as he took Ryan’s hand, enjoying how their fingers automatically interlaced together. “A romantic walk along the beach? This was your big idea?”

Ryan ducked his head sheepishly. “Sorta. There’s more to it. But I really do love the water. It changed my life.”

“Hmm?” Shane hummed, looking up from where he was bending down to pick up his shoes. “How so?”

“Another time,” Ryan said dismissively. “You up for some sightseeing?”

Shane brushed his thumb over Ryan’s knuckles. “I could be up for some sights. But first, I gotta ask. Are you seriously wearing a hoodie as a shirt?”

Ryan tugged on his hand and refused to answer.

“If I ever hear you say ‘brah’, I’m throwing you into the water.”

For one brief second, Ryan threw a wide-eyed look at him that looked almost like terror. Then Ryan closed his eyes and sighed, his mouth twitching into a smile that only rang a little false. “Did you just threaten a lifeguard with water?”

‘It would work if you knew what I was’ was _not_ what Shane said.

They wandered down the beach, enjoying the sounds around them and the briny taste in the air. There were very few people out and about and it was a stark contrast to the last time Shane had been there. It made the beach look like a completely different place.

He liked people in general, but the stretch of sand and the rolling waves washing onto the shore looked far more welcoming when there was no umbrellas, towels, or mass of humanity to mar it.

"Any further and you're going to be swimming. All it'll take is a sneaker wave and I'll have to save you."

As nonchalant as he could, Shane angled them back towards the dryer part of the beach and away from the water that had started to reach his knees. Shit, he really needed to get ahold of himself before he ended up pulling Ryan into the water. "Aw, you'd save me?"

Ryan squeezed his hand once, belying his teasing tone when he said, "I'm not sure I could keep that big head above water without my can."

"Your what?"

"The red floaty thing," Ryan said wryly.

Shane looked over at him and gave him a soft smile, unable to hide the hint of humor. "I'm glad to finally know what it's called, but all I can picture now is a red Coke can or a red toilet."

Ryan let out a short, startled laugh. "No! No, please, I finally stopped making that joke last year, my co-workers will kill me if I start that up again."

"But think of how handy it would be to have a toilet attached to your wrist!"

With a defeated groan, Ryan edged closer and let his forehead drop onto Shane's shoulder. His head was heavy, but warm through the fabric of Shane's shirt and Shane nearly stumbled, more from the surprise that Ryan would be so cuddly than because it actually threw his walking off. He was glad that Ryan couldn't see his fond smile.

“We’re about to run out of beach,” he murmured, letting go of Ryan’s hand so that he could sling his arm around broad shoulders. Ryan didn’t hesitate to put his own arm around Shane’s waist and Shane had to sternly remind himself that he had only known the guy for a couple of weeks. Being this happy over such a simple thing was edging into gross, mushy feelings territory.

Ryan waved with his free hand towards the rocky bluff that rose up in front of them, marking a distinct end to the beach they were walking on. “That’s where we’re going. There’s a trail up to the top. You can see ship lights out in the distance and on some nights you can see quite a few stars.”

Before he could talk himself out of it, Shane pressed a kiss to the side of Ryan’s head. The hair under his lips was stiff and smelled like salt, but all he could think of was that he was more than content to be with someone that spent so much time in the water. “If you’re trying to seduce me, it’s working,” he said softly. Then he paused. “Or you’re going to murder me and dramatically throw my body off the cliffs.”

“Right over the edge,” Ryan agreed, not-so-innocently slipping his pinkie under the waistband of Shane’s pants. “It’ll be high tide soon, so if I’m lucky, there won’t even be a body for long.”

Shane was too distracted by the press of Ryan’s finger against the sensitive skin of his hip to reply right away. Ryan must have taken his silence as shock, because he quickly added, “I shouldn’t joke about that. Poor taste.”

“No, you’re fine,” Shane said truthfully. “I was just wondering if you would make it worth my while before offing me.”

“Oh I’ll get you off,” Ryan replied automatically. It was clear that it had been said for the sake of the pun, but he wasn’t trying to laugh it off, either. Shane reflected that walking while half-hard in the deep, shifting sand was a completely new experience for him.

“At least I’ll go with a smile,” he managed to say in a faintly choked voice.

Ryan tilted his head to look up at him, his grin wide and nervous, but his hand didn’t shake when he stepped away to take Shane’s hand again. He lead them up the trail, complaining good-naturedly at having to pull so much weight behind him up the steep path. Shane whined back at him just as cheerfully, though he was honestly enjoying the chance to stretch his legs. The trail was long and meandered, marked only by a simple line of thin poles and a metal cable. If he ignored that, he could almost forget he wasn’t in the wilderness.

The farther away they were from the water, the easier it was for him to ignore the itch to change. Which was altogether a good thing.

When they reached the top, Shane could see that Ryan hadn’t been lying. They weren’t close to the edge yet, but he could already spy a few lights out in the distance, far off over the water. It was dark enough by that point that there were a few glimmers of stars up in the sky and Shane had to take a moment just to stare up at them.

Ryan navigated them down a path that wandered amazingly close to the edge of the cliffs, walking with a sureness in the dark that told Shane he had done this multiple times before. The wind whistled past in a low, mournful note and the entire ambiance was beautiful. Though it was a bit odd that there was no one around.

He was surprised when Ryan dropped down in the middle of the sandy path, sitting cross-legged next to one of the metal poles and gazing out over the ocean.

Shane gamely sat down next to him, following the pull of Ryan’s hand. “What if someone comes by?” Shane asked, though he doubted there’d be many people.

Ryan grinned at him, a quick flash of teeth that Shane could barely see in the darkness. It was times like that that he wished he was better at partial changes, because the ability to see better in the dark would have been useful. “Technically, this area closed at seven.”

“Ryan!” Shane gasped quietly, leaning closer. “Did you drag me here illegally?”

“I know the guy who is patrolling tonight, he always slacks off on weeknights,” Ryan said, unable to disguise how sly he thought was. “We’ll be fine for a couple of hours.”

“You little rebel,” Shane murmured, giving in to the urge to draw Ryan closer, his arm resting comfortably around the man’s lower back. “I’m all aflutter at how dangerous you are.”

Ryan leaned into him, his hand falling naturally on Shane’s knee. “I originally wanted to take you down to a little beach at the base of the cliffs, but it’s only accessible during low tide. And you have to rock climb or take a pretty slippery path over some rocks to get there.”

“Sounds a little advanced for me, Mr. CrossFit.”

“It’s called Pirate’s Cove,” Ryan whispered like he was conspiring with him.

Shane sat up and grinned. “What? Why didn’t you say so? Let’s go, right now.”

Ryan pulled him closer again, laughing. “It’s high tide, no one could go down there.”

Not that he could have said anything about it, but Shane had a brief, pleasant fantasy of taking Ryan down to this mysterious beach in his other form. He wouldn’t have a problem with slippery rocks if he could approach it from the water and high tide wasn’t a concern when he could breathe underwater. And he was fairly certain he could keep Ryan safe.

On his back.

The idea of Ryan sitting astride his back was as intriguing as it was uncomfortable and Shane quickly pushed all of those thoughts aside, ignoring the flush that had raced through his body. “Maybe next time?” he asked instead of freaking out about the fact that he kind of wanted to let Ryan ride him in the very literal sense.

“Really?” Ryan looked up at him, the whites of his eyes shining in the gloom. “That doesn’t seem like something you’d like.”

“Well,” Shane said with a shrug, seeing no reason to lie. “I probably wouldn’t like risking breaking my ankle, but it sounds like something you’d like to do, and I like you, so…”

Ryan’s breath caught audibly. “Oh,” he murmured in a quiet voice. “I-”

Then he cupped the back of Shane’s head and pulled him down for a kiss that was far dirtier and needy than the nearly chaste kisses they had shared before. Shane fell into it eagerly, enthused by the idea of making out with a hot man under the stars. It was so romantic it was cliche and he _loved_ it.

Except that Ryan was playing dirty. As soon as Shane tried to shift their positions to something more comfortable for a bout of long term kissing, Ryan grabbed his wrist, effortlessly pinning his hand to the ground.

It was nothing more than a simple hold, but he could feel the ease with which Ryan had kept him in place. It left Shane feeling weak.

He whimpered.

He hadn’t meant to. It wasn’t a conscious decision to sound like he was two seconds away from begging for it. He was usually better than that. Better at keeping his inclinations under wraps until the relationship became something more serious.

Ryan grinned against his mouth, his hold on Shane’s wrist tightening. “That was a good sound, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe,” Shane whispered, panting to catch his breath. “Hold me down and we’ll see if it happens again.”

“Well aren’t you upfront with what you want,” Ryan observed, sounding wickedly delighted. “I like it.”

Thank God, because Shane would have had to slink home with his tail between his legs if Ryan had reacted negatively. Before he could even think of a response, he found himself flat on the ground, Ryan hovering over him like a predatory shadow.

He spared a brief thought for the sand under his body and the rocks and plants next to his head, but he didn’t have enough mental power to care. All he could focus on was the weight of Ryan’s hand on his chest, pushing him down, pinning him in place like he was something to be controlled. A shiver ran its way up the length of his spine and he relaxed into the ground, letting Ryan do whatever he wanted.

Ryan made short work of his pants, his quick fingers agile as they undid the button and the zipper. A breathy exhale that was almost a cry escaped Shane when those same fingers hesitated at the reveal that he wasn’t wearing underwear.

“You forget to do laundry or were you hoping to get lucky tonight?” Ryan murmured, his tone sharp and teasing and want roiled through Shane at the sound.

“Whichever answer will get me lucky,” he managed to gasp out, his hips twitching in an aborted effort to get Ryan to move his hand away from his stomach and a little further south.

Ryan’s laugh was a whisper of amusement that was whisked away by the wind. “You’re so desperate. We could have fucked that first night.”

“Was playing hard to get,” Shane practically whined. “Please just touch me.”

“You’re definitely not playing hard to get now,” Ryan observed, _finally_ giving him what he wanted with a firm grip that would have floored Shane if he hadn’t already been lying down. “You’re wet.”

There was an edge of pleased mockery to the words and Shane groaned and tried to reach for Ryan to pull him down for a kiss.

Ryan caught his hand and pushed it down, murmuring, “Be good, Shane."

It took all that he had not to whimper again. He strained against the hold on his hand, just to feel how easily Ryan kept him in his place.

"Do I have to tie you up?” Ryan asked with the kind of smug confidence that said he knew that was exactly what Shane wanted.

Shane would have been ashamed by the sound he made if he had been more coherent. But two dates of teasing and weeks of idle fantasizing had left him a responsive, needy mess of arousal.

“Next time,” Ryan promised, his lazy strokes that had already brought Shane surprisingly close quickening into a pace that was perfect. “We’ll use a real bed and I’ll be better prepared. Leather on your wrists and ankles to keep you in place. You’re so sensitive, I bet you I could keep you begging for hours.”

Just picturing the dirty scenario that Ryan was painting was enough to send Shane over the edge.

After a weightless few seconds of the best kind of physical bliss, he came back to himself in time to feel Ryan wipe the back of his hand on his shirt. Shane’s momentary disgust and embarrassment was completely stopped by the way Ryan whispered, “So easy,” in a voice that could only be described as awed.

Ryan’s controlling demeanor fell away for a brief moment as he hestantly asked, “Can I-?” He brushed his thumb across Shane’s bottom lip before hooking it over his teeth.

“Yeah,” Shane mumbled around his thumb, abruptly eager to return the favor. “Please, Ryan.”

“God, I can’t wait to be able to see you,” Ryan said in an absent way as he pulled down his shorts, letting out a sigh when he touched himself. He shuffled along Shane’s body, barely giving him any time to adjust before he was guiding himself into Shane’s mouth.

Shane tilted his head back and opened his throat as well as he could, giving in to the need to exist as nothing more than something to be used. All he could see was the dark shape of Ryan’s body moving above him, all he could hear was Ryan’s choked off, muffled grunts and the distant crash of the waves.

The breeze danced around them, cooling the sweat and come on his skin and for a moment in time, the world fell away. There were no worries or stress or fantastical secrets. Just the weight of Ryan on his tongue and the need to be good for man who had so thoroughly commanded his attention since day one.

It was flattering when Ryan didn’t last any longer than he had. He swallowed every drop and kept sucking until Ryan moved away, hissing from oversensitivity.

There was a thump as Ryan rolled over and flopped onto the ground next to him, panting heavily.

“I can’t believe I just had sex in public,” Shane said after a couple of minutes. Laying there with his dick out was an interesting sensation.

“Shh, afterglow,” Ryan muttered, though he patted his hand around until he could rest it on top of Shane’s.

“I will mention, again, that we’re in public.”

Ryan huffed out a tired laugh and sat up. “Fine. I’m hungry. Taco Bell?”

“... Is Taco Bell your normal post-orgasm food? I’m terrified of the answer.”

“Guess you’ll have to stick around to find out.”

Shane rolled his head so that he could grin at the silhouette Ryan cast, giddy and far happier than the rush of endorphins should have accounted for. “That was smooth, Bergara.”

Ryan just laughed again and leaned over to give him a kiss that had probably been intended for his cheek but landed more on his nose. “C’mon, we’ll get my usual post-orgasm special.”

“Fuck, that’s sexy. You must get all the boys with that kind of routine.”

“There’s only one I’m trying to get, though.”

_Jesus_, Shane thought, momentarily stunned silent.

He was so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thrilled by the response this has gotten! Thank you so much, y'all <3
> 
> And I'm on the tumblrs under mephsation if you want to yell at me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check the updated tags!

He had been nervous when he had taken the Uber to Ryan’s place. There had been ridiculous what-if scenarios playing in his head of Ryan’s roommates hassling him like it was high school all over again and the jocks were questioning him why he was in band and not trying out for the basketball team.

Staring at the row of surfboards that lined one wall of the garage, Shane wryly realized that his fears were probably unfounded. If only because he refused to be intimidated by the type of men that had dusty camp chairs, a beer pong table, a plastic water slide, and- Was that a small blow-up _Santa_?

“I thought you said you only had two roommates?” Shane asked, amused despite himself at the clutter in the room.

Ryan looked up from where he was unlocking the side door into the house. “Yeah? It’s just the three of us.”

“That’s a lot of surfboards for three people.”

“Oh,” Ryan shrugged and held open the door so that Shane go inside first. “Three of those are mine.”

Shane paused as soon as he passed the doorway, deciding it was more important to tease Ryan than to get his first look at the interior of the house. “Ryan,” he said solemnly, placing his hands on Ryan’s shoulders and ducking his head down enough to look the man straight in the eyes. “I need you to know that you’re one pucca shell necklace away from being a SoCal stereotype. I’m not sure which one exactly, but one of them.”

Ryan rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him, but didn’t bother to move out of Shane’s space. “I bathe far too regularly and don’t get high nearly often enough to be a beach bum.”

“Maybe not, but I bet you’ve done some reps at Muscle Beach.”

“No, I haven’t,” Ryan looked away, a small smile playing across his lips.

“Oh my God, you _have_,” Shane exclaimed, grinning at the discovery.

“I have not!”

Shane slid one hand up Ryan’s shoulder, taking the opportunity to brush his thumb down the side of Ryan’s neck. “Own up to it, Ryan.”

“No,” Ryan whined softly, thumping his head backward against the door. Humor danced in his eyes and Shane thought he might already be a little bit in love. “I was young and impressionable, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”

“You’re such a delightful cornucopia of some of the most interesting things of California,” Shane murmured, his teasing turning soft.

Ryan’s smile grew, his expression becoming shy. “That was almost sweet.”

“You also spent ten minutes telling me about how you saged your dorm room because you thought you had pissed off a ghost, so it’s not all great.”

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan muttered before leaning forward to kiss him. There was so much fondness in the phrase that Shane could only stand there for a moment, grinning like an idiot. He got with the program when Ryan grumbled at him, eagerly tilting his head to more properly kiss back.

Curiosity over getting to see Ryan’s place was completely forgotten in the press of Ryan’s body against his and the growing desperation in their movements as Ryan’s fingers ended up in his hair and his hands found their way down the back of Ryan’s shorts.

A throat clearing behind them made Shane jump, but he was too entangled in Ryan to gracefully back away. He managed to look over his shoulder to stare at a man who was watching them with a mix of humor and exasperation.

“I’m pretty sure we all agreed to no making out in the kitchen,” the guy said, absently twirling a set of keys around his finger.

Ryan pressed his forehead into Shane’s shoulder, laughing. “Shit. C'mon, dude.”

“Uh huh.” The guy pointed at the door Ryan was up against. “I’ve got work, so if you two could move the festivities to your _room_-”

“Right, you’ve got the late shift,” Ryan gently pushed Shane back. “Shane, Roland. Roland, Shane.”

Shane awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair and decided not to offer his hand for a handshake. Not when said hand had just been on Ryan’s ass. “Nice to meet you?”

“Same, man,” Roland said easily. He didn’t seem to care that his roommate had been making out with a stranger, only that it had been in the kitchen. They moved out of his way and he left with a cheerful, “Use protection!”

“I thought I had grown out of being interrupted,” Shane muttered, burying his face in his hand.

“I wanted a house in easy driving distance of the beach,” Ryan said as he put his keys in a dish on the counter and gestured that Shane should follow him through the kitchen towards a living room that made it very clear that three men who still thought PBR was a fine beverage of choice lived there. "On my paycheck, that means roommates."

At least it was fairly clean.

Shane looked around with interest, a little surprised that Ryan appeared to be leading him towards the bedrooms. Not that he was going to complain if the interruption hadn’t stopped Ryan’s _plans_. “I chose a place far away from the ocean so I wouldn’t be tempted,” he replied, paying more attention to the framed movie posters on the walls than what he was saying.

Ryan let out a breath that was nearly a scoff. “What, like the ocean is a drug?”

Freezing for a moment when he realized what he had let slip, Shane forced himself to chuckle and say, “You’re my drug, Bergara,” hoping that the ridiculous line would distract Ryan.

It worked, thank God. Ryan just rolled his eyes and opened his door to a room that Shane could have guessed was Ryan’s from a single glance. There was a rack of gym shoes under more movie posters and more jerseys than a single man should own in the open closet. And a bookcase full to bursting with books.

Because he had never been able to resist seeing what people liked to read, Shane glanced through the titles, aware of Ryan watching him. There were a good number of true crime and haunted places books, which was only to be expected, mixed with a few popular fiction series. And on the bottom shelf, dusty and haphazard like none of them had been looked at in years, were a handful of books that looked like old college textbooks. Shane tilted his head and squinted to make out the words on the spines.

_A Dictionary of Celtic Mythology_.

_Fairies in Nineteenth-Century Arts and Literature_

_The Lore of Scotland_

There were a couple others, but Shane couldn’t bring himself to keep reading. He deliberately drug his eyes back up the shelves and gestured towards a row of true-crime. “Bit of light bedtime reading?”

“You’d be surprised how fast you fall asleep while reading about some douchebag boiling the skulls of his victims,” Ryan replied. There was a strained quality to his voice as he casually dropped a laundry basket full of clothes in front of the bookcase, obscuring the view of the bottom shelf and its books of lore, but Shane wasn’t really paying attention to what was being said.

A handful of books didn’t mean anything. Ryan wasn’t suspicious. There was no reason to freak out over someone’s interest in old fairy tales. Plenty of people were into historic mythology and didn't think any of it was real. No one thought those ridiculous old stories had a basis in truth.

“So,” Ryan said awkwardly, standing next to his bed and looking nearly as shifty as Shane felt. “This is my room.”

Shane pushed away the unsettled feeling in his gut and ignored his scared thoughts. Just because Ryan believed in ghosts and ghoulies, it didn’t mean he believed in anything else. “If someone had told me this room belonged to a twenty-one-year-old frat boy, I would have believed them.”

Ryan’s shoulders relaxed as his face lost that pinched look and he pushed at Shane’s arm in retaliation. “Fuck you. I bought a set of matching kitchen towels and potholders the other day. I’m an _adult_.”

“Oh, is that the benchmark for adulthood? Potholders?”

“_And_ towels.”

Shane snorted and sat down on the edge of the bed. “So what’re we doing in here?” he asked with a sly grin that didn’t even try to be subtle. Remembering that he was alone in a room with Ryan and a bed was going a long ways towards making the edge of excitement from earlier return. “Gonna show off your shoe collection?”

He had meant it as a joke, but the way Ryan’s head came up and his expression lightened made Shane hastily put up his hand. “Stop, no, I take it back.”

Ryan shook his head, but he looked fond as he did it. “I thought we could fuck,” he said blandly, a challenging little smirk in the set of his mouth. “But if you’re just going to insult my decorating choices… “

Shane made a show of looking around the room. “Y’know, on second thought, this place has a charm to it that I find growing on me.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Then Ryan was leaning over him, claiming his mouth in a possessive kiss that made all of his thoughts fall quiet, if only for a blissful second. He didn’t often have to strain his neck in this direction to kiss someone and it was a pleasant change. Ryan fit naturally in the vee of his legs and it was instinct to slip his hands under Ryan’s shirt and rest them on cut hips. God, he would never entirely understand gym culture, but he had to admit that whatever Ryan was doing produced undeniable results.

As they continued to lazily makeout in a way that reminded him nostalgically of college, he idly wondered what Ryan would look like twenty years down the road, when the inevitability of life and aging would leave him with more padding around his middle. Shane found himself enjoying the mental image. As much as he appreciated the abs that jumped under his fingertips as he slid them farther up warm skin, he thought a Ryan with more heft to him would be fun as well.

The nature of his thoughts dawned on him and Shane froze, his mouth going still against Ryan’s.

Ryan pulled back to send him a confused look, muttering a quiet question that wasn’t quite a full word.

“Holy shit,” Shane breathed, his shock making him more candid than he normally would have been. “I just realized that I like you a hell of a lot more than I should.”

"I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not," Ryan said after a pause, his eyes narrowed but his reddened mouth tilted up in a pleased smile.

He couldn't believe that he had been seriously contemplating Ryan that far in the future. It was one more set of thoughts that Shane shoved aside. He knew that trying to ignore all of his problems would end up biting him in the ass in the long run, but when Ryan was looking at him like that, all he cared about was keeping his mind in the present. “Everything I say is a compliment."

Both of Ryan's eyebrows jumped in an incredulous expression. "How do you say that bullshit with a straight face?"

"I was a precocious child."

"Code for 'brat'."

Unrepentant, Shane grinned and didn’t bother to argue with that statement. He merely leaned back on the bed until he could brace himself with his elbows, staring up at Ryan and winking.

The wink and the smug smile made Ryan roll his eyes, but there was sharp attention in his expression. “Take your clothes off,” he ordered softly, with the slight lilt of a question at the end of the sentence, letting Shane know that he had the option to back out.

Shane had no intention of turning away from this opportunity. “Yes, sir,” he said mockingly. The arousal from before he had noticed the books was returning, and by God did he want to put himself in Ryan’s hands.

_Literally_.

Chuckling at his own thought, Shane had no problem with pulling his shirts off, glad he had anticipated the situation and chosen to not wear anything with buttons. He had even forgone a belt, just to make it easier to get naked. Though the final step of getting rid of all of his clothes was more nerve wracking than he liked to acknowledge.

Ryan’s expression made it easier.

Feeling a little bolster of confidence, Shane lounged back on the bed that was probably fine for Ryan but was a little short for him, his hands behind his head as he smiled smugly and displayed all the goods.

Shaking his head at Shane’s antics, Ryan perched one knee on the edge of the bed, lightly touching above Shane’s knee. “Fuck, you’ve got long legs.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Tell me I’m reading the situation right,” Ryan said as he drug one hand up the length of Shane’s thigh. “Because I want to be inside you like yesterday, but if that’s not-”

“Yup,” Shane interrupted, causing Ryan to let out a faint huff of a laugh. “What, did you think I was going to play coy? Get that dick in me, baby.”

Ryan stared at him, his smile genuine but uncertain. “I’m not sure if that turns me on or makes me want to kick you out of my house.”

Shane wiggled his eyebrows.

“That’s not helping.”

And then Ryan bit his lip, his expression contemplative as he obviously worked up to saying something that he found embarrassing.

“Out with it, Bergara.”

“I’ve got cuffs,” Ryan blurted. “Not like, police cuffs, but they’re leather. If you wanted.” His eyes darkened, an edge of predatory intent to the way he swept his gaze up Shane’s body. “I remember how you acted when I held your wrist down.” The corner of his mouth ticked up into something sly. “I remembered it pretty often.”

Shane swallowed. “I’m flattered.” A shiver worked its way up his spine and the build of _want_ began to simmer. “Do your worst, little guy.”

Ryan moved with enough haste that Shane really was flattered. And beginning to twitch from the need to be touched.

Feeling impish and knowing full well how Ryan was likely to react, he stroked himself with a lazy hold, getting himself to full hardness as he watched Ryan pull a box out of the closest and dig through it. When the man turned around, he was holding two leather cuffs with silver buckles and D-rings and a couple pieces of fabric.

He couldn’t hold back his triumphant grin when Ryan raised one eyebrow at him and asked slowly, “Did I say you could touch yourself?”

“Nope,” he said cheerfully. “What’re you going to do about it?”

Ryan sat everything down on the bed and took off his own clothes. Shane’s hand slowed as he drank in the sight of Ryan’s muscles bunching and twisting, the expanse of bare skin, and the muted desire in his eyes.

“You’re a brat,” Ryan told him before leaning over and kissing him. It was an intense kiss, controlling and deep, and oh so good. Shane was pretty sure his toes were about to curl, it was that good.

He’d have to remember to be a dick more often.

Too distracted to pay attention to what Ryan was doing with his hands, he let out a quiet gasp of surprise against Ryan’s lips when strong fingers wrapped around his wrist and tugged it up. Fingers were replaced with soft fuzz and he realized the cuffs were lined with fake sheepskin. Clever. And appreciated. He liked to be restrained but that didn’t mean he wanted bruises on his wrists. Not when half of his work was computer-related.

Shane laughed when the cuff on his wrist was attached to a very DIY-style rope that was tied around the edge of Ryan’s headboard. “This set up is almost cute.”

“I wasn’t going to come up with anything fancy when my headboard is the cheapest I could find. It’s particleboard,” Ryan drawled, sounding a tad defensive. Then his expression hardened and he squeezed Shane’s wrist to the point of it being uncomfortable, the edge of the cuff grinding into tendons. “You going to behave now?”

Shifting on the mattress, Shane’s mouth fell open on a long exhale, the burn of arousal sparking through his veins and drawing his chest tight. “Probably not,” he breathed, completely truthful. It wasn’t as fun if he didn’t make his partner work for it.

Ryan shook his head like he hadn’t expected any other answer. He released his grip to cuff and attach Shane’s other wrist and Shane watched him the entire time, trying not to do anything obvious like pant, but it was a close thing. He was already pretty certain that Ryan was going to ruin him and God, he couldn’t wait for it to happen. His eyes fluttered shut without conscious effort when Ryan drew one fingertip down the length of his arm, shivering when the man leaned close enough to whisper, breath hot against the curve of his ear, “This okay?”

“More than.” Christ, his own voice sounded wrecked and they hadn’t even done anything yet.

“Blindfold?”

Shane nodded, swallowing hard before joking, “Breaking out all the accessories?”

“I’m going to find a way to turn the snark off, I swear.”

“God, I hope you do,” Shane said with a little too much need in his voice. But fuck it, he didn’t really have any shame.

He lifted his head off the pillow when prompted, his eyes fluttering shut before the long piece of cloth made contact with his skin. Ryan’s fingers brushed against his hair as the blindfold was tied, slightly too tight. Shane thought he preferred it that way.

“Now what-” he started to say, but he was interrupted by Ryan suddenly straddling his stomach and kissing him, both hands pressed down on his chest. It was wet and filthy and he started to bring his hands down to get them on Ryan’s back but was stopped by the cuffs. The reminder that he couldn’t move made him moan and was rewarded by a pinch of teeth to his lip that rode the edge of painful and good Lord, he was going to propose.

“You’re evil,” he said after a few moments, when Ryan pulled back just enough that they could catch their breath. All he could do was listen to the sounds Ryan made and feel his weight as he moved.

It was almost perfect.

He also didn’t have much patience.

“Are we just going to make out, or-”

“Keep your mouth open,” Ryan ordered softly, shifting onto his knees above him, and Shane made a noise he wasn’t very proud of.

He waited, tense and straining, only able to vaguely guess what Ryan was doing as he moved. If Ryan didn’t start touching him in more fun places soon, he was going to-

Where Shane had expected the brush of calloused fingers or even the press of Ryan’s cock sliding into his mouth, what he felt instead was something soft and fabric. The smooth fibers rubbed against his lips and he thought it might have been silk.

Shane froze. His breath stuttered out and there was a moment of pure alarm in his mind. The fabric of whatever was in his mouth was already growing damp, wet against the stretched corners of his mouth. Ryan’s hands were nearly delicate as he pulled the fabric taught and slipped the ends under Shane’s head, but Shane couldn’t appreciate the care that was going into the gentle movements.

All he could feel was the restraint of a foreign object in his mouth, a form of restraint he had never wanted.

His heart pounded and the race of desire, arousal, and sheer damn horniness turned into a specific fear that left dread pooling throughout his body. He fought hard to stay still, to focus on the weight and heat of Ryan, to think only of how excited he had been at the caress of softly lined cuffs wrapping around his wrists and cloth pressing his eyes closed, but he couldn’t escape the weight between his teeth. He knew wasn’t nearly as heavy as it felt like it was, but the thin silk pressed like a stone against his tongue and he couldn’t do it anymore.

Shane trusted Ryan. Far more than he should have. But there was a growing, completely irrational fear that Ryan _knew_, that this was some kind of joke, that it had all been some kind of weird, elaborate trap-

Before he let his terrified thoughts spiral out of control, Shane jerked his head away from where Ryan was trying to tie the ends of the silk. It was jarring to realize that his eternity of adrenaline-fueled fear had barely been a second.

“Shane?” Ryan asked. There was still soft command in his voice, but there was an edge of concern that Shane knew he would appreciate later, when he could get ahold of himself.

It was impossible to make his words clear when there was fabric stretched tight between his lips, but he did his best, garbling out, “Stop, out,” while shaking his head. His muscles strained against the cuffs as he instinctively pulled in an attempt to get the silk off himself.

Maybe Ryan was able to figure out what he was saying or the frantic mumbling and the creak of his headboard as Shane strained against it cued him in. Either way, there was a faint, shaken swear and then both the impromptu gag and the blindfold were pulled off of him. Shane blinked against the brightness in the room, the normal, afternoon sun shining on the white walls in a way that didn’t fit the situation.

“Are you okay?”

Shane drew in a shaking breath, rearranging his features into something that was hopefully calmer than the wide-eyed fear that was making Ryan stare at him with far more worry than was warranted. He thought of making a joke, but he knew he needed to make one thing very clear first. “No gags,” he said, his tone as level as he could make it. “Nothing between my teeth. No bits, no masks, no ball-gags-” Ryan’s expression was growing more and more stricken, like he thought he had made some huge mistake, and Shane couldn’t let that stand. His throat felt dry, despite the drool that was drying on his chin, and his voice croaked as he decided it was time to lighten the mood and force out that joke. "You'll have to shut me up some other way."

Apparently his attempt at lightening the mood didn't work, as Ryan's expression remained tense.

"Penis," Shane supplied helpfully, suddenly desperate to wipe that look off Ryan's face. "I mean your penis. In my mouth. Blowjob. I'm a fan of that, that's fine."

"Shane," Ryan said so quietly that it was almost inaudible. He didn't even crack a smile. "You're shaking."

Huh. So he was.

As Shane tried to come up with a response, Ryan began to unbuckle the cuffs from his wrists with such careful, miserable motions that it drove Shane closer to tears than anything else had. Which was a bit mortifying. He knew it was a result of heightened emotions and whatever cocktail of chemicals happened during sex that was leaving him so emotional, but it still irked that while something between his teeth could drive him to a panic attack, it was Ryan being gentle that threatened to break him.

"You don't have to do that. Just give me a second-"

"Shane," Ryan said, admonishing. "You're _shaking_. And not in a good way. There's no way I'd want to do anything more right now. What the hell, man?"

Shane fell silent, watching Ryan set the cuffs aside. He tried not to overthink it, but the implication that Ryan didn't expect anything more from him let some of the tension drop from his limbs.

"Well this is embarrassing," he remarked as casually as he could when the silence became unbearable. He slowly brought his arms down from their stretched position, rubbing his wrists. The cuffs hadn’t hurt, but there was the lingering sense memory of the soft interiors. It was better to think of fake sheepskin on his wrists than the silk that had been in his mouth. "I usually try to save the awkward meltdowns for the six month mark."

Ryan completely ignored his attempts at dodging the inevitable conversation by saying softly, "I'm sorry. I should have asked first." The apology sounded forced out, like he hated having to admit that he might have hurt Shane.

Fuck, he had really ruined this, hadn’t he? It was amazing how quickly everything had gone from perfect to _wrong_.

He needed to do something to fix the situation.

“Hey, come here.”

Ryan hesitated before crawling onto the bed and settling against him, their sides so flush that Shane could literally feel their height difference. Or at least the difference in the length of their legs. He waited a beat, then pointedly turned so that his back was facing Ryan, grabbing the man’s hand and pulling it over his ribs.

“Maybe I wanted to be the little spoon,” Ryan muttered against the back of Shane’s neck, but he didn’t seem to have a problem with wiggling closer and pressing his hand flat against Shane’s chest.

Shane laughed quietly, relaxing into the heat of the body behind him. He knew it would be stifling soon, but it wasn’t like he was able to cuddle very often. He’d brave sweating for a little contact. Contact that was going a long ways towards calming his heart.“We can switch next time.”

He could practically hear Ryan’s nervous thoughts and he didn’t have to wait long before Ryan tentatively asked, “There’s going to be a next time?”

“A little misunderstanding in the middle of sex isn’t going to scare me away, Ryan.”

“It wasn’t little,” Ryan said seriously, if with a hint of exasperation.“When I took the blindfold off you looked like you thought I was going to- I don’t even know. Something bad.”

Shane shook his head as well as he could against the pillow. God, he was glad he was facing away from the other man. He wanted to say that he hadn’t been thinking anything bad about what Ryan might do, but he also didn’t want to lie. “We done fucked up,” he chose to stay instead. “Maybe we should be the adults we pretend we are and actually discuss our dirty, dirty sex needs before we jump straight into them.”

There was a breath against the sensitive skin of his nape as Ryan exhaled slowly. If Shane was to be the judge, it was an amused sound. “You’re not wrong. A, uh, safeword might be good, too.”

“Hotdog.”

“... What?”

Shane grinned at the wall he was staring at, picturing the confused and annoyed look on Ryan’s face. If he could just get Ryan to laugh out loud, he might be able to salvage something out of the day. “My safeword!”

“No.”

“Yessir. Just keep that little nugget of information tucked away in the noggin.”

Ryan outright grumbled and Shane did nothing to hide the way his giggling shook his body. It hadn’t been a laugh, but grumbling was nearly as good.

The air conditioning kicked on, the artificial breeze playing over his skin, and Shane closed his eyes, finally able to let go of the last few threads of fear that had lingered at the back of his mind. For now, at least. He knew full well that he would get mad at himself for ruining their first attempt at real sex as soon as he got home, but in the moment he let it go. Besides, Ryan was absently stroking his collarbone with light touches and that felt far too nice to ignore.

“So in a couple of weeks we’re going to Lake Tahoe,” Ryan said unexpectedly. His hand didn’t pause in its soft petting but it was clear that he was nervous from his tone alone. And hopeful? “My roommates and another friend. Camping and everything. But something came up and the friend had to drop out, so I’ve got room in my tent for one more.”

“Camping, eh?” Shane said in lieu of the kneejerk need to say ‘yes, yes I’ll go.’ Technically, Ryan hadn’t actually asked yet.

He had seen pictures of Lake Tahoe and _fuck_, just the idea of jumping into that beautiful freshwater was enough to send a ripple of need throughout his body. Suddenly the air in the room felt far too hot and dry and he curled his hand into a fist where Ryan couldn’t see it, digging his nails into his palm to combat the urge to jump into the first bathtub he found.

Going from horny to terrified to _needing_ to change his form was driving his poor nervous system into a fit.

“Yeah, but it’s not like… real camping,” Ryan hastened to explain, misreading his hesitation. “Tents, yes, but there’s flush toilets and it’s barely a hike to the parking lot. And the view in the morning is amazing.”

“You sound like you’ve done this before.”

“We take a vacation every summer. We haven’t actually gone to Tahoe before but I did a bunch of research and-”

Shane rolled over to face Ryan, caught for one second in how close Ryan looked to pleading. “Be clear with me, Bergara. Are you inviting me or are you just informing me that you like to take a vacation from your job of being in the water by going to different water?”

“There’s also hiking and getting drunk,” Ryan said. Then he blinked and frowned in a way that a less generous man would have called pouting. “Of course I’m inviting you, you ass.”

_Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea_-

“Two weeks from now?”

Ryan nodded, sitting up a little in his excitement. “I know this is kind of late notice and I get that we haven’t really known each other that long, but I really like- Uh. I’d really like you to go with us.”

“Don’t think I didn’t catch that almost-confession, Bergara,” Shane informed him.

“Fuck you, I like you,” Ryan said with a glare.

“Yeah, I can really tell with those sweet things you say to me.” Pulled in too many directions by his need to change, the opportunity of a freshwater lake that had dropped into his lap and the need to protect his and his family’s secret, Shane made his decision in a completely logical way. By looking at Ryan and knowing he couldn’t say no to those big, brown eyes. “You sure your friends won’t mind? Roland knows about me, since he walked in on us, but-”

Ryan looked away and winced. “They know about you. You’ve been mentioned.”

Pleased by the tacit admission that Ryan talked about him, Shane pulled him closer and kissed him once. “I guess I’ll get myself ready for some nature, then. I”ll bring my camera.”

“Of course you have a camera,” Ryan said with such genuine happiness that his attempt at sounding teasing fell flat.

“I can literally see your camera from here.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

\------------------------------------------------------

Alright.

He could do this.

He could swim around in the first freshwater lake he had been in in six months and _not_ turn into an aquatic horse monster. Self-control. It was something he totally had.

The cold water swirled around his calves, new, strange, and refreshing, and it felt happy to greet him. A single step in and he had known there were depths to this lake. Cool, dark depths that would accept him with open arms and-

Shane backed up onto the shore, shivering and not from the breeze drying the water on his feet.

"Too cold for you, big guy?"

He lifted his eyes to watch Ryan, who was already treading water out where the shore dropped away. The man looked good in the backdrop of alpine mountains and pine forests, surrounded by the pristine, azure water that lapped gently around him in time with his strokes.

Shane knew, with a predatory certainty born from the long-forgotten corners of his psyche, corners that had been formed by ancestors millenia ago, that the water would provide plenty of cover if he chose to drag Ryan down into the depths. That there were ancient rocks to hide behind; shadowed, hidden spots that whispered to him and offered him sanctuary. That his prey would look beautiful in the dark blue of the deep, hundreds of feet down. A Stygian abyss that would welcome him and his meal.

Taking another stumbled step backward, Shane rubbed his shaking hand over his face. Holy _shit_, he didn’t think he had ever had such clear thoughts about fucking _eating_ someone. “Jesus Christ on a goddamn cracker,” he whispered to himself, “Stop channeling Hannibal fucking Lecter.”

“Shane?” Ryan called, swimming closer. “Are you okay? I didn’t hear what you said.”

Shane shook his head and managed to call back in a faint voice, “I’m fine. Dizzy spell.” He was literally swaying on his feet. That probably didn’t look good. To save himself from Ryan’s worry, he slowly sat down on the damp ground, trying to make it look like that had been his plan all along.

Close enough that he was able to find purchase on the rocky edges of the shore, Ryan walked towards him, water splashing around his steps. “I told you that beer didn’t count as lunch. I don’t care how tall you are, alcohol still hits you harder with an empty stomach.”

“You were matching me beer for beer,” Shane said. It was more of a mumble but he was willing to give himself a break. He was one second away from turning into a man-eating monster in front of all the various people who were dotting the edge of the lake. That wasn’t really something he wanted to add to someone’s summer vacation.

“I was also drinking water. It’s like you didn’t spend four years of college mainlining shitty beer.”

Shane forced a small smile that felt tired. “I only did one year of that.”

“That sounds like quitter talk to me.” Ryan stopped in front of him, looking down with clear concern. “Seriously, you okay?”

“I’m fi-” he stopped mid-word at the feel of Ryan’s cold, wet hand cupping his cheek and sliding up to his temple. The smell of lake water rose up from Ryan’s skin and Shane practically nuzzled into his hand, barely holding back from licking the liquid off his palm.

“I can’t tell if you actually feel hot or I’m just cold from the lake.”

“I always feel hot,” Shane slurred, sounding more drunk than he had when he had been drunk. A drop of water from Ryan’s hand was slowly making it’s way down his neck and it was all he could focus on.

“Whoa, hey, Shane-”

He drug up his eyelids to see that Ryan was crouched in front of him now, looking legitimately worried.

“-Do I need to take you to a hospital or something?”

Shane finally managed to convince himself to pull away from the cold hand that felt so good on his dry, dry skin. “No, I’m good. I swear,” he added at Ryan’s unconvinced look. “I think you’re right, though. I think the lack of food hit me.”

“Let me grab you a bottle of water and a bag of chips from the cooler.”

“Salty chips is exactly what I need, doctor,” Shane said. He was teasing, but it didn’t sound like a bad idea. And it would give Ryan something to do, who was nearly vibrating from his concern. Which was sweet, but not what Shane needed right then.

After half a bag of chips and a bottle of water that he had chugged in record time, Shane was chagrined to realize that he really did feel better. Maybe four beers and no food all day had been a bad idea.

He occasionally dipped his toes into the water to test himself, distracting his need to change by watching Ryan and Ryan’s friends mess around in the lake. He was sure that if he asked them, they would say they were doing something serious, but it looked to him like they were just playing. Some kind of ball was being thrown back and forth and there was a lot more wrestling than a game of catch should have called for, but everyone looked like they were having fun.

Ryan would occasionally look over at him, but Shane waved him off each time. He knew he was the intruder here, and he wasn’t going to let his hangups over the water affect Ryan’s time with his friends.

Finally, when the water stopped begging him to jump in, he felt like he was ready to wade out and take back a little of the fun for himself. He had no plans of joining the others, but he had taken a couple days off and he was going to enjoy them, damn it. He wasn’t going to let his other form and the water stop him from doing what he wanted.

Proud of himself for swimming far enough out that his feet no longer touched the bottom and not giving into the need to change, Shane rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes, content to float in the water and soak in the sun. It wasn’t particularly quiet, as there were people swimming and talking and boats in the distance, not to mention Ryan and his friends’ cheerful shouting, but if he ignored all of that, he could listen to the wind sighing through the trees and the noises of the birds.

It was peaceful.

Until there was a couple of shouts of his name that were louder than the previous yells had been, alarm in the voices that made Shane open his eyes. Right in time for the ball Ryan and his friends had been playing with to smack him in the face.

He gasped and floundered, twisting in the water. His open mouth dipped into the water and he choked on a swallow, a cascade of internal signals throughout his body telling him that he needed to be a different form, that he was starting to breathe water. He sank without meaning to, the bright flare of pain across his cheek and nose making him lose any sense of where he was. All he knew was that he hurt and he inhaled automatically, the rush of water flooding into his mouth. The heavy weight of cold water in his throat urged the change to go faster, the static rippling through his limbs.

Filtered through the water, he heard a splash that was far too close and another call of his name.

_Ryan_.

The realization of what was happening and where he was made fear rise up, threatening to choke him more than the water did. Electricity fizzed through his bones as he panicked, trying desperately to stop the change. He writhed under the surface, pain building and building in his muscles and his lungs as he held back, holding hard to his human form. It was like stopping a sneeze but so much worse. Water sloshed in his lungs with each movement and his body was begging him to accept the change, to become something that could breathe in the liquid that surrounded him.

He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t change in such a public spot, in clear water that was only obscured in the depths. He couldn’t change in front of _Ryan_.

Years of having no fear of the water meant that he had never really learned how to hold his breath or how to keep his mouth shut while swimming. His teeth were clenched together and his sinuses burned, his human form unused to existing for so long under water.

He needed to breathe, _he needed to not breathe_, he needed to breathe-

A strong hand wrapped around his upper arm and pulled hard, bringing him up to the surface but Shane had his eyes squeezed shut and he could only repeat the mantra to himself that he would _not breathe in the water, he would not, he would hold his breath, he would stay human_.

The world tilted and the rush of air against his skin was a shock to his system that was followed closely by the second shock of his back hitting dry dirt.

Calloused, steady fingers firmly gripped his chin and cradled the back of his skull, tilting his head to the side. Those same fingers moved over his cheek and pressed under the corner of his jaw, pushing down with practiced movements.

Shane could hear, as if from a distance, a strained gulp that sounded like the precursor to a sob and a, “Fuck. C’mon, Shane, c’mon you big idiot, fucking breathe, you’ve got a pulse, don’t make me do CPR, I swear to God, Shane, just _breathe_-”

The words were permission. He opened his mouth and inhaled a ragged gasp, the air hitting the water left in his lungs in a violent reaction. Turning onto his side by instinct, he coughed up all the water that he could feel, the action burning but familiar. It wasn’t the most graceful way he had expelled water from his lungs when changing back to being human, but it made his body settle down and that was all he could care about.

At a choked off ‘Thank God,’ Shane opened his eyes, wincing when the light of the sun blinded him. Shit, his eyes must have changed and he hadn’t noticed it. The pupils that were made for the low light of the depths of a lake weren’t suited for daylight of dry land and tears sprung up immediately. It was harder than it normally was to blink his eyes until they changed back.

When he could finally see again, he met a wide-eyed, terrified gaze.

“Ryan,” he choked out, “What happened?”

Ryan stared at him for a long moment. “Your eyes…”

_Shit_.

“My eyes?” Shane asked, playing up ‘miserable and half-drowned’ as hard as he could and hating himself for it. “What? I… Did I- Did you drag me here?”

For one second that would remain in Shane’s memory for weeks, Ryan’s face crumpled into a look of such resigned misery that Shane started to reach up automatically to comfort him.

Ryan shook his head and leaned back before he could reach, his expression becoming one that could have only been described as ‘pitifully relieved.’ His tear-stained cheeks only added to the pathetic picture. Shane wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and apologize for the next five years for being the cause of his distress. “We should take you to a hospital,” Ryan said, rubbing at his own cheeks with short, sharp gestures that were almost angry. “You’re breathing now but there was water in your lungs and that can cause problems later.”

“Wait a minute,” Shane said, aching to wipe that look off Ryan’s face. God, it seemed like all he did was ruin the man’s day. He cupped the side of Ryan’s neck, his voice hoarse from the violent coughing but no less teasing when he said, “No kiss of life? Really? What’s the point of dating a lifeguard if I don’t get that at least once?”

Ryan’s stare turned incredulous.

“I want a refund. Where’s my dramatic movie moment?”

“You…” Ryan’s disbelieving smile wobbled but seemed all the more genuine for it. “You absolute fucker.” And then he was pulling Shane into a hard hug, his arms far too tight. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Shane bit back his first response of sarcastically saying that he didn’t usually plan to get hit in the face with a ball. He didn’t want anyone to feel guilty for what had been an accident. Instead, he just hummed in agreement and wrapped his own shaking, tired arms around Ryan’s back.

His calves and feet were still in the water. He stared into the depths over Ryan’s shoulder, absently brushing his fingers through the still wet hair.

The lake was disappointed in him. He could feel its saddened call as it caressed his skin and he was torn between comforting Ryan or comforting the water.

Ryan’s breath came out in a tiny, quiet sob, and Shane made the decision to stay with the man he was falling in love with.

For now.

But one way or another, he knew he was returning to the lake that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little later than I intended, but ah well. 
> 
> Thank you all for the kind words and kudos!
> 
> <3


	5. Chapter 5

For a man who had been afraid for Shane’s ability to breathe, Ryan wasn’t making it easy to get any air.

Shane grimaced at the zipper of the tent’s door, once again counting to one hundred. It had to have been around three in the morning by that point and everyone in the campground would be asleep. It was the perfect time to slip out to the lake.

If only there wasn’t a, by all accounts, nicely muscled arm clamped around his chest.

They had gone to get Shane’s lungs X-rayed in Carson City at Ryan’s insistence, which Shane had grit his teeth through and tried not to think about his insurance premiums. There was no way to say that he knew he had coughed all of the water up because, “I just know” wasn’t a sound medical reason. It had been a long, exhausting day that had been capped with more beer, burnt hot dogs, and far too many s’mores. They had stumbled into Ryan’s tent and fallen on top of the sleeping bags without bothering to unzip them, so tired that Shane had assumed Ryan would drop off as soon as his head hit the backpack he was using as a pillow.

Against all common sense, Ryan had stayed awake far past midnight, continually placing his hand on Shane’s chest or his neck, making sure all over again that he was still breathing. If Shane hadn’t been vibrating with the contradictory needs to jump into the lake and fall asleep, he might have found it touching.

As it was, he had barely held back from getting out of the tent and saying that he was going to sleep in the car. He knew Ryan didn’t deserve that kind of irritated response, but damn, couldn’t he get a little privacy to answer the water’s call?

Reaching one hundred in his counting, Shane gently gripped Ryan’s wrist and eased his arm away, holding his breath the entire time. When Ryan just muttered something, rolled over, and started snoring softly, Shane relaxed.

Step one was down but now he had to figure out how to unzip the tent’s flap without waking the guy up. He winced at the seemingly loud noise of the zipper in the quiet of the night as he pulled it up with agonizing slowness.

Ryan slept on and Shane let out a sigh of relief as soon as the hole was big enough for him to crawl through. Standing up in the cool air that was rapidly turning downright chilly, he thought he was home free.

Then he heard a quiet rustle and soft, “Shane?”

_Fuck._

“Gotta take a leak,” he whispered, crouching down to peer through the tent flap, squinting where Ryan had turned on his phone screen. “Go back to sleep.”

It was too dark to really see anything when the screen was turned off, but he caught the sense of movement as Ryan rolled back onto his side. “Watch out for bears,” was slurred at him and then blissful silence.

Shane waited another moment, but when he didn’t hear anything else, he headed straight towards the shore as quietly and as quickly as he could. Even if Ryan had fallen asleep, the man was so nervous and worried for Shane’s health that it wouldn’t be surprising if he woke up again and ventured out to make sure that Shane was alright.

So that meant he had fifteen minutes at the most. Not nearly enough time in the water to satisfy his wants, but it would be enough to calm the lake and get it to stop calling to him with such enticing whispers.

He shed his clothes at the water’s edge, swearing under his breath as he fumbled in his haste. His fingers shook from the mix of adrenaline and exhaustion and fuck, he really wanted to sleep under the water. It would be so restful.

As soon as his second sock was off and thrown into the mud, he stepped into the pristine, cold water and nearly sobbed from how good it felt, even as it sent goosebumps over his skin. He didn’t wait to be completely under before letting his body change forms, static rippling through his muscles by the time the cool caress of the lake reached his hips.

Shane fell forward with a splash, diving straight down in the sheer joy of finally, _finally_, being able to exist as his other half. Hooves that were far flatter and wider than a horse’s should have been propelled him through the water and it took no time at all for him to have swum far into the interior of the lake, toward where the ground dropped into fathomless depths. It was dark so far under water, but the shine of the stars above was enough for these eyes to see the rocks and debris that littered the incline of the bottom.

He snapped idly at a fish as he angled towards the sunken wreck of a boat. Trout wasn’t his favorite, but he was more than willing to eat one of it came close enough. Though he had to wonder how raw trout and s’mores would mix in his stomach.

The boat was old and covered in algae, various fish hiding under its boards. He spent far too long circling it, wondering where it had come from and if someone had died because of it’s sinking, but eventually he remembered that time was passing and that he was there to sate the itch to change, not to satisfy his curiosity over old wrecks at the bottom of the lake.

The water rushed past as he twisted and spun on his way back to the surface, playful and welcoming and cajoling him to stay a few minutes longer. It was hard to ignore but Shane did his best, enjoying the chance to race through the currents while he could.

He broke through the surface and into the air with a snort, shaking his head to fling water out of his hair and away from his eyes. He had ended up farther away from where he had left his clothes on the shore than he had thought, but it wouldn’t take more than a few seconds to reach-

“Shane?”

The call was faint. Quiet but unmistakable.

Shane froze in consternated shock for a long moment, swearing at himself for losing track of time and at Ryan for being so damned predictable with his worrying. The distant figure that Ryan made as he walked along the edge of the water was instantly recognizable to his eyes. He watched that figure for a moment too long, not realizing that his head and back were completely out of the water before Ryan turned and let out a quiet gasp that echoed thinly over the surface of the water.

Panicking, Shane dove in a rush, striking hard for the area where he had left his clothes and praying that Ryan would continue to look out over the lake.

He changed forms while still in the water, which was always uncomfortable, but he didn’t dare walk out onto the rocky sand unless he looked completely human.

As soon as his feet were no longer hooves, he lurched onto the shore, scrambling for the clothes he had left at the base of a tree. He had barely been able to pull his sweatpants on when he heard his name called again.

This time Ryan sounded _terrified._

Swearing under his breath, Shane turned and started jogging towards the sound, squinting to see anything now that his eyes no longer worked in the dark.

His footsteps sent rocks rattling and Ryan turned to see him, his eyes so wide that they reflected what little light there was. Suddenly Shane was caught up in a hug that shook, Ryan squeezing him so hard around the middle that he couldn’t get any air.

“Where the _fuck_ were you?” Ryan asked, the words harsh but whispered into his shoulder with such fear that Shane automatically wrapped his arms around Ryan to comfort him.

“I remembered you talking about nightswimming,” Shane said as naturally as he could, all too aware of the way Ryan’s hands slid across his wet back. There was no way he could have hidden that he had been in the water. “I thought I’d give it a try.”

Ryan pulled back to give him a look that was nearly betrayed it was so confused and angry. “Why the fuck- You- You thought you’d just take a dip into the lake at night?! Alone?! What if you had drowned?”

“You need to chill-”

“No,” Ryan snapped, his voice thick with tears. “Don’t you dare say that to me right now. You were gone for an hour-” _What_?! “-And I had no idea where you were!”

Holy shit, there was no way he had been down there that long. Right?

“There’s bears, there’s snakes, there could be a fucking serial killer out here, I don’t know, there’s-” Ryan bit his words off so hard that Shane could hear his teeth clack together.

“Ryan, I’m fine. I just took a walk and then did some swimming,” Shane said as soothingly as he could, keeping his hands on Ryan’s shoulders. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Ryan bit his lip, looking away. “_Fuck_,” he said with feeling. "I know you probably think I’m overreacting, but I-”

“No, I should have come back or said something,” Shane lied through his teeth, feeling like a complete dick the entire time. Any relaxation he had achieved underwater was completely gone now. “I’m sorry, Ry. I didn’t think you would wake up.”

There was strained silence for a long moment, and just as Shane was thinking of taking Ryan’s hand and gently leading him back to the tent, Ryan blurted, “Did you see a horse?”

Shane went still. Damn it, he had hoped Ryan would have assumed he had seen a deer or something. “What?”

“Did-” Ryan squared his shoulders. “Did you see a horse? In the water?”

“No? Why would there be a horse in the water, Ryan?” Technically, he hadn’t seen his own body, so Shane told himself it wasn’t another lie, even as he knew that he was just splitting hairs.

Ryan nodded, his expression becoming resigned in a way that Shane didn't understand. “Right. Right, of course. I was just seeing things.”

“I think there’s horse trails in the area,” Shane said, guilt making him offer a possible explanation instead of razzing Ryan like he normally would have for seeing something. “Maybe someone’s horse got loose?”

“Yeah, maybe that was it.”

“C’mon.” Shane entwined his fingers in Ryan’s, worried when he found them colder than his own. “Let’s go back to the tent before we both get a cold.”

Ryan followed him docilely, far more quiet than Shane liked. The cracks of twigs under their feet were loud in the stillness of the campground, the only other sounds coming from fires that were dying out and an occasional snore or cough from distant campers.

“Did I tell you about the time my cousin nearly got eaten by a bear?” Shane blurted out, uncomfortable with the silence and the careful way Ryan was walking behind him.

The response he got was a pause and a hushed, “What?”

Shane launched into the story, quietly recounting the time his cousins had visited a National Forest and come across a baby bear. He turned the focus of the story on the cuteness of the baby as they clambered back into the tent, belatedly remembering that Ryan seemed to hold actual fear towards the large creatures.

Ryan ended up curled into a ball on his side, his hand holding onto Shane’s with a deathgrip that was probably cutting off circulation, but Shane let him have it. The story segued into a continual stream of anecdotes about his various cousins. He was careful to keep names vague and make it sound like he was talking about four or five instead of the dozens that he called ‘cousin’, but by the sixth story his mind was wandering and sleep was once again tugging at his consciousness.

“-So that’s how Nama adopted five different cats. Her husband wasn’t too happy.” Her husband was one of the few non-water shifters that was a part of the family and apparently lycanthropes really didn’t like cats. Which he continually mocked the man for.

He had thought Ryan was mostly asleep by that point, so he was surprised when he heard a slurred, “She sounds cool.”

“My favorite cousin,” Shane agreed. “And actually related to me, since she’s my aunt’s daughter. I’m going home in a couple months and she might be there. I hope so. It’d be good to catch up.”

“I’d like to meet her.”

Shane didn’t think anything of the quiet statement beyond a fond smile at the idea. “I'd like you to meet her, too. You could talk about surfing.”

“I’m more than just my hobbies and job,” Ryan grumbled tiredly. There was a quiet rustle as he shifted around in the sleeping bag, finally letting go of Shane’s hand so that they could talk face to face. Not that it mattered, since it was still so dark that they couldn’t see anything. “Actually, I-” he trailed off, uncertainty practically radiating from him.

“Ryan?”

“I’d like to meet them,” Ryan said softly. “All of them. Your family.”

Shane had no idea how to reply to that. It would be amazing to show off Ryan to his family but he was _human_. A human he hadn’t met three times. No one would approve. And Ryan wasn’t an idiot. No matter how polite they were, they wouldn’t be able to entirely hide how they felt from him.

Ryan continued in the face of his silence. “I could take a week off and go with you. You met my family-”

“Shaking your father’s hand and getting a 'sup, man' from your brother doesn't really count.”

“-And I’ve never been to Chicago. It would be fun.”

God, he wished he could keep lying. But he was so tired of skirting the truth. “Ry…”

There was a quiet sigh. “Shit. No, you’re right,” Ryan said. “A trip to the East coast to meet the family is too fast, isn’t it? We’ve only known each other for a few months.”

“Chicago isn’t East Coast,” Shane said, a knee-jerk response that spilled from his mouth as he tried to think of something to say. “I don’t think you’d enjoy it,” he settled on saying slowly, the words awkward and telegraphing his unease so clearly that it made him cringe as he said it.

After a long pause, he could hear Ryan lift his head from the edge of the sleeping bag. “Why?”

It took Shane a moment to come up with a word that fit. “My family is… judgemental.”

Ryan’s voice was a mix of resigned and exasperated that Shane had never heard from him before. “They’re racist, you mean.”

Shane blinked. “No!”

Yes. No. Well, yes, but not in the way Ryan was thinking. But Shane wasn’t sure how to say that they couldn’t care less about the color of his skin, but they _would_ hate that it was the only skin he had.

Humans weren’t to be trusted unless Fate demanded it. That lack of trust led to a prejudice that was yet one more reason why Shane had moved far away.

At Ryan’s disbelieving silence, Shane muttered, “I promise, they’re not.”

Ryan swallowed, his hand moving right back to Shane’s chest. Shane had to wonder if that was going to become a tic for him. “So what is it? They don’t know you’re into dudes?”

“‘Dudes,’” Shane repeated mockingly. “That cat has been out of the bag since college.”

“They won’t like that I’m a lifeguard because it’s not a real job?”

And that was a question that sounded like it stemmed from some personal issues. “Uh, no, they wouldn’t care about that. You work forty hours a week and you have benefits, that’s more than most of my younger cousins.” Shane sighed. “They just… They don’t like outsiders.”

He could just imagine how Ryan’s eyebrows went up at that. “Like a cult?”

Shane rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m uncomfortable with how close I am to saying ‘yes’.”

“They won’t sacrifice me, right?”

Leave it to Ryan to think of that.

“We haven’t done that in a couple centuries,” Shane said, once again saying more than he should have. Ryan laughed, but Shane’s chuckle was strained as he thought guiltily about how that hadn’t been a joke. If one replaced ‘sacrifice’ with ‘meal’...

Shane shook his head, getting rid of his thoughts. He leaned closer, bringing his hand up to tenderly touch Ryan’s jaw. Stubble prickled against his thumb and he thought drowsily that he was going to have to convince Ryan to let his beard grow out some time. “Are you sure you want to meet my family?” he asked softly. “There’s a reason I moved as far away as I could and still be in the 48.”

“You miss them,” Ryan said, equally soft. His breath puffed across Shane’s face and he didn’t even mind that it didn’t smell the greatest. He really was gone on the guy. “They can’t be that bad. Weird cult or not, I want to know more about you and your life.”

“Aw shucks, little guy.” Shane did nothing to hide how touched he was, despite the teasing words. “I would like you to meet my immediate family, honestly. Maybe not my brother, but my mom is pretty kickass.”

“Sounds just like something a younger brother would say,” Ryan murmured, scooting close enough that his ankle slipped in between Shane’s calves.

Shane gave in to the urge to finally let his eyes close. If they were lucky, they could get a couple hours of sleep before the activity of the campground woke them up. “Alright. You can come with me if you want to. Famous last words, but what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Shit,” Ryan breathed, clearly on the edge of sleep himself. “Now you jinxed it.”

\----------------------------------

“I still can’t believe your family owns a lakehouse.”

Shane shut the car door shut behind him, staring up at the house that had been a second home to him as he grew up. He knew how it looked to Ryan, since it was huge, grand, and sat on two acres of woods and a small field by itself. There was even a private dock into the water of the lake, though they mostly used it to jump into the water. The property was worth a big chunk of change, but it would have been awkward to explain that it was a home away from home for all of his cousins and they all chipped in to help pay for the upkeep and taxes.

Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, he offered a non committal, “Family has owned the land since they moved to the area. Never sold it.”

Ryan let out an impressed whistle, looking around with wide, interested eyes.

Shane felt a rush of happiness at the sight of Ryan standing in the driveway, but it was underpinned by a pang of longing. God, he wished he could tell Ryan the truth.

The last few days had gone surprisingly well. Far better than Shane had feared. After a day of forced politeness and small talk, his parents had thawed towards Ryan. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but when he had managed to ask his mother in private, she had merely smiled and said that she hadn’t seen him that happy in a long time.

He thought it might have had something to do with how charming and friendly Ryan could be. The memory of Ryan cracking a joke during a dinner and his entire family breaking into genuine laughter was one that would stay with him for years.

Unfortunately, it wouldn’t have taken a genius to notice the way his father barely spoke or how his mother would start a sentence and then change it halfway through. Even his visiting cousin- an actual cousin this time- who had lived with human roommates for years, had stumbled a time or two, abruptly changing subjects when the conversation strayed too close to water.

It would have been embarrassing if it hadn’t been so awkward. Ryan had sent him more than a few questioning looks over the course of their stay in his childhood home, but the only explanation Shane could ever offer was to reiterate that his family was weird.

“Holy shit, is that a stable?”

Ah, he had wondered when Ryan would notice that.

“Yeah,” Shane said, finally remembering himself and unlocking the door. “My dad likes to brag that it’s original to the property. It’s probably as haunted as the house is.”

Ryan’s head whipped around to stare at him. “It’s haunted?”

Shane nodded solemnly. “Yup. Just as haunted as any other place is-”

With a little sigh, Ryan rolled his eyes.

“-So it’s completely ghost free. Because ghosts don’t exist.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryan said, following him into the house. “You’re a real comedian. Do you have horses?”

Shane was amused at the cautious hope in Ryan’s voice. “A couple of them.” A few horses trotting around made great camouflage. Someone saw a horse in the water? Oops, one must have gotten out of the pasture, nothing to worry about. “There’s probably a carrot or something you can give to them later.”

“So the asshat finally made it back home,” called a loud voice, Shane’s brother standing at the top of the stairs, staring down at them with his arms crossed.

“Dick,” Shane replied, smiling despite himself. He had never been too close with his brother, but it was good to see him again. He casually raised his middle finger. “I see you’re still trying to become a lumberjack.”

“And I see you’re still jealous,” his brother said cheerfully, turning his attention towards Ryan with a glint in his eye that made Shane cringe. “And is this the boyfriend?”

‘The human boyfriend’ went unsaid, but Shane heard it anyways. He jerked his head to the side in a shake of the head that he hoped Ryan would misinterpret.

His brother grinned and came down the stairs to offer his hand to Ryan. “Scott. It’s nice to match a face to a name. The entire extended network has been abuzz over Shane’s hot new boytoy.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows, his expression uncertain but amused. “Good to meet you. Extended network?”

Scott slung his arm over Shane’s shoulders, angling his eyebrows to give him a challenging look. “All the ‘cousins’.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend around here?” Shane asked pointedly, before he could say anything else incriminating. Jesus, he might as well change forms right there, the way he was carrying on.

“She’s finishing packing,” Scott said with a shrug. “We’re leaving tonight, so you two will have the entire house to yourself.” Shane sighed at his sly tone, which made Scott laugh as he ruffled Shane’s hair once and headed back up the stairs. “I should make sure we grabbed everything. I’ll catch you before we leave.”

“Well that was something,” Ryan said once he was out of earshot, his expression pensive. “I can’t figure out your family.”

Shane started his own way up the stairs after he righted his hair and scowling after his brother. His palm slid along the old, familiar banister with ease as he thought about how dismissive his brother had probably seemed. But no one expected Shane to stay with Ryan, since he was 'only' human. Why bother getting to know the man? “I told you we’re different.”

“I mean I can’t tell if they like me or not.”

Pausing, Shane held out his hand for Ryan’s, rubbing his thumb over Ryan’s knuckles when their fingers tangled together. He had hoped that Ryan wouldn't pick up on that, but the guy wasn't stupid. "They like you," Shane said, squeezing once in reassurance. And because it would be good to be as honest as he could be, added, "They just don't know how serious this is."

Ryan gave him an exasperated look. "I flew across most of the country to meet a family that doesn't think I'm good enough for you. It's serious."

It was peculiar to want both to smile like a lovesick idiot at the declaration and cringe at the actual words.

"They don't-"

Ryan raised his eyebrows.

Shane slowly closed his mouth and rolled his shoulders in a helpless shrug. "They'll warm up to you," he tried. And time to change the subject. "Let's put our stuff away."

Despite the amount of time it had been since he had last been in the lakehouse, it had been such a huge part of his childhood that his eyes skipped over the decor. There was nothing exciting about objects he used to see daily. He was more interested in putting his backpack down in the bedroom he always claimed as his own and taking his shoes off. The weather was unseasonably warm for the beginning of winter, but it was still chilly enough that he had decided to wear thick socks and he really wanted to change them after a long car ride.

Drawing up short when Ryan tugged on his hand before dropping it, he turned to see that the man was standing at the top of the stairs, studying the bridle and reins that hung in a place of honor on the wall.

Shane grimaced. Of course Ryan would notice that stupid thing.

“Why do you have a bridle on the wall?” Ryan asked. Which was a fair question.

“It’s a family heirloom. Ugly old thing.” Unused for decades. And he really didn’t want to think about what it was for while Ryan was staring it. “Let’s unpack and figure out food. There should be something in the freezer.

Ryan nodded absently, but instead of moving, he reached out to draw the tip of his finger down the length of one of the straps of leather. “Huh,” he muttered. “It’s softer than I’d expect from something old.”

“Common punishment for the kids is to make them oil it,” Shane said, doing his best to keep his voice level. Punishment for when they had said something they shouldn’t to other kids on the playground. Nothing drove home the threat of discovery quite as fast as taking care of the thing meant to control them. “I hated it." And the iron crosses that studded the bridle.

Finally, Ryan dropped his hand and started towards Shane. “I thought you liked leather?” he asked with a playful smirk, his tone dipping into flirtatious.

Normally that would have made several very interesting thoughts race through Shane’s mind. But all he could do was shrug and cast one last glance at the bridle on the wall. “Not all the time.”

It looked like Ryan wanted to say something, but after a moment of thought and furrowed eyebrows, he let it drop.

They unpacked and found some frozen meals for lunch, passing the time by wandering around the house. Ryan seemed genuinely interested in the history of the old place and Shane had fun recounting what he knew of it and some of his own personal stories from when he was younger.

After the food had settled and it was clear that Ryan was itching for something to do, Shane suggested they go outside.

He wasn’t particularly surprised when Ryan angled straight towards the stables, clutching a handful of horse treats he had found in the kitchen. He leaned against the fence, watching with an indulgent smile as Ryan managed to coax the two old horses over. One was swaybacked and obviously on her last leg, but the other still had some pep left in him.

“You can ride the brown one if you know how to use all the tack,” Shane called, absolutely not thinking about the gentle way Ryan was stroking the mare’s nose.

Ryan straightened up, sending a glance his way. “Why do you make it sound like you don’t know how to? If your family owns horses… “

“We hire someone to look after them when no one is here.” Which was rare, but it reinforced the local knowledge that there were horses there. “This place is like a retirement community for horses, truth be told. We don’t ride them, we just keep the gear for the look of things.”

As soon as he realized what he had said, Shane resisted the urge to bury his head in his hands.

Luckily, Ryan seemed more interested in finding the old saddle and bridle that obviously hadn’t been taken care of than whatever Shane might have let slip. He handled each piece of equipment with a sureness that surprised Shane and he seemed to know exactly what to do to get the old brown horse to cooperate.

For some reason that Shane refused to look at too closely, his heart was in his throat when Ryan put his foot in the stirrup, then swung up onto the horse’s back with practiced ease. He had to cough to clear his voice when he offered to open the gate so that Ryan could go faster than a walk.

“Where’d you learn how to do all of this?” he managed to ask as Ryan reigned the horse past him.

Ryan scratched at the back of his neck with his free hand, the other holding the reins in a secure grip that made Shane want to run away or move closer. He wasn’t sure which. “Uh, you remember when I said I’d taken riding lessons one summer?” At Shane’s nod, he shifted in the saddle, clearly embarrassed. “It may have been five summers.”

Shane swallowed. “Oh. Cool.” The lame response was the only thing he could think to say.

Ryan gave him a weird look, but shook his head after a second and clicked his tongue in a way that made the horse’s ears flicker backward, then they were off at a trot that was probably faster than the poor old thing had gone in years.

It was the crunch of dirt behind him and a quiet snicker that made Shane realize that the sun was setting and he had been watching Ryan ride the horse in ever changing patterns through the field for well over an hour.

“Jealous he’s not riding you like that?”

“Shut the fuck up, Scott,” Shane hissed, sending a significant glance towards Ryan. The guy was busy, but he wasn’t that far away.

His brother laughed and leaned against the fence next to him. “You should tell him, you know.”

Shane thought his eyeballs were going to pop out of his head. “I _what_?”

There was a smile on his face, but his brother didn’t look like he was joking. “I’m serious. We’ve all heard how much happier you’ve been lately. I wasn’t lying about that.”

“But we had only met twice before he asked me out.”

Scott angled his head, one eyebrow going up. “I thought you didn’t believe in that bullshit?”

Shane opened his mouth and then closed it.

“Where’s the idiot I knew who ranted at me for an hour straight about how he wasn’t going to let old superstitions rule his life the first time he came home drunk and I had to cover for him?”

“It’s not that I believe it,” Shane tried to argue. “But you know how the family would react if I told him the truth and ‘Fate’ had nothing to do with it.”

“So you haven’t told him because you’re protecting him from the family and not because you’re scared?” he asked with dry sarcasm.

“Oh fuck off, Scott,” Shane muttered. “It took you six months to ask your girlfriend out to dinner, I don’t need a lecture from you.”

“Hey guys,” Ryan said from a few feet away, startling the two of them.

Jesus, how had he gotten so close without them noticing? Horses weren’t exactly quiet.

“You look good up there,” his brother said while Shane was still recovering. “Like you belong.”

Shane glared at him.

Scott outright laughed at him before turning back to Ryan and saying, “It was a pleasure to meet you, but we have to go if we’re going to make our plane.”

Despite how annoyed he was with him, Shane pulled his brother into a one-armed hug goodbye and they made vague promises about future visits. It was weird to live so far away from his family and he found himself actually meaning those promises.

Just before he disappeared around the corner of the house, his brother turned and cupped his hands around his mouth so that they could hear him yell, “Shane has something he wants to tell you!”

Shane closed his eyes and thought quite seriously about fratricide.

“And what could that be?” Ryan asked, teasing and so happy that Shane had to look at him, just to see him smile.

Despite himself, he thought about it. He thought about telling Ryan. About showing him the truth. Taking him to the lake’s edge and changing right there.

He even opened his mouth to say something. But as he studied Ryan’s smiling face, his hair in disarray from the wind, his skin flushed dark from the exertion, and the way he was gently scratching his fingers down the horse’s neck, Shane realized he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk this.

He didn’t want Ryan to see him as a monster.

“Marry me,” he said instead.

The bottom dropped out of his stomach.

Ryan sat back in the saddle, his smile dropping into an open mouthed, wide-eyed expression of confusion. Which made two of them.

That had not been what he had meant to say.

“I mean, uh… Don’t marry me?” Shane shook his head, annoyed at himself. “This is all going wrong. This isn’t what- It’s not how-” He blew out a breath. “I’m going to kill my brother.”

“Shane…”

Shane refused to look at Ryan anymore, his entire body burning from the shame of his blurted words. “We haven’t even known each other for a full year-” Though people in his family tended to get married fast. It would just be following the trend. Not that he felt like explaining that. “Let’s pretend I didn’t say anything.”

He turned to walk away, the back of his neck prickling from the overexposed feeling of Ryan’s hard stare.

“Damn it, Shane, wait,”

There was the thump of feet hitting the ground and then the clamber of someone climbing over the fence. Shane braced himself just before Ryan grabbed his wrist, pulling him to a stop. Reluctant, he turned to face Ryan, barely able to convince himself to meet the man’s eyes.

Ryan stared at him, his face filled with so much emotion that it was unreadable. It came as a complete surprise when he said, soft and plain. “I love you.”

Shane blinked slowly. “Holy shit. Did I seriously propose to you before saying I love you?”

“Yeah. Yeah you did,” Ryan said, his smile strained but real. “I still love you anyways.”

“Ditto,” Shane whispered in a rush as he pulled Ryan into a hug, suddenly needing Ryan in his arms. “I feel the same, the whole shebang.”

Ryan resisted for a moment, his expression bordering on pained, but Shane was too filled with disbelieving joy and quickly ignored guilt to notice or decipher it. Then he nodded, as if he had come to a decision. “Yes, by the way.”

Shane couldn’t believe his luck. “Yes? Really?”

Ryan’s smile was sad. “Yes.”

\------------------------

Something was wrong.

Once the adrenaline had passed, Shane had finally realized that Ryan wasn’t as happy as he was pretending to be. But he didn’t get the feeling that Ryan’s distress was caused by him. If anything, it seemed to be internally directed.

After the horse had been relieved of it’s tack and wiped down, Ryan had disappeared until dinner.

Then he had disappeared again.

Shane wanted to give him space, but it was hard to do when he had literally proposed and wanted nothing more than to see the man. When the night had fallen to true darkness and the temperature had dipped to near freezing, he had decided enough was enough and sat out to find Ryan. Partly because he was starting to worry that Ryan was hiding from him and partly because he didn’t want the idiot to freeze to death.

It turned out that all he had needed to do was look out over the lake. Somehow he wasn’t surprised that the guy had ended up on the water's edge.

Ryan was lit by the shine of the moon and its reflection across the water as Shane moved towards him. He was bundled up in his jean jacket and a hoodie that Shane recognized as one that he had left with his parents when he moved to California. His mother must have given it to Ryan before they left for the lakehouse. The gesture would have comforted him if he wasn't so worried.

He had never seen the guy in so many layers. It wasn’t a bad look, but it felt wrong somehow. Ryan was meant for shorts and those abominable muscle shirts or jerseys. Not jeans, sturdy hiking boots, and two different jackets.

Shane wanted to say something about it. His natural inclination was to tease him about how it wasn’t actually that cold out and there was no need to act like a hot house flower. But there was something fragile in the way Ryan was holding himself, hunched over his drawn up knees where he had perched on a large rock that sat nearly in the water.

“Hey,” he said softly, trying not to startle the guy. “You okay?”

Ryan shrugged, then shook his head. His glasses reflected the moonlight as he moved and Shane frowned when he noticed them. Ryan had told him more than once that he preferred contacts around water. It had something to do with feeling like he always needed to be ready to swim, which Shane could only understand academically. While his eyesight was shit as a human, he had no problems in his other form.

That Ryan would sit so close to the lake while wearing his glasses couldn’t mean anything good.

“You-” Shane hesitated, then sat on the edge of the rock next to Ryan, grimacing at how there wasn’t really enough room and the cold seeped through his pants instantly. But Ryan was more important than his own physical comfort. “You want to talk about it?” he tried again.

There was a long moment of silence, then Ryan let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to, but…”

Shane slowly took ahold of Ryan’s hand, folding cold fingers into his palm to warm them up. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“You need to know why I didn’t say yes right away.”

Ah. Well, Shane couldn’t deny that he was curious. Nonetheless, he was completely serious when he said, “I don’t blame you. Marriage proposals at seven months _is_ a little fast. I was actually thinking that, if-” he exhaled and tried to steady his voice. “What about a long engagement? Or we could say that was more like a proposal to a proposal? I could do it properly in a couple years.”

Ryan turned to face him, his eyes dark and unreadable, but his voice was fierce when he said, “That’s _not_ why I hesitated. Yeah, it’s a bit too fast, but like you said, we could do a long engagement. My aunt has been engaged for the past ten years. That’s not the problem, it’s-” He paused before looking away. “I need to tell you something. It’s only fair that- If you actually want- If-” He swore under his breath, “Fuck’s sake, this shouldn’t be so hard.”

Shane opened his mouth to say that there was nothing Ryan could tell him that would change his mind about wanting to marry him, but logic stopped him. He hadn’t even known the guy for a year. As much as he knew his own heart, as much as he loved Ryan, he didn’t know him that well. There was a whole plethora of secrets that Ryan could hold. One or two might be a dealbreaker.

The fact that Ryan was obviously trying to work himself up to saying something that he thought needed to be known made Shane’s badly-buried guilt over keeping his own secrets rise up to swamp him, but he pushed it away. He had only changed once in the past six months and had been fine. More or less. He could spend the rest of his life sneaking away only twice a year and everything would turn out great. Probably.

He was distracted by his less than hopeful thoughts by Ryan carefully extracting his hand, as if he couldn’t bear to take comfort in that moment. “I might be crazy,” Ryan spat out, fast and serious. “And water terrifies me.”

Shane couldn’t help it. He stared. “Uh…But you- “

“It’s not a joke,” Ryan said before Shane could finish. “I nearly drowned when I was a kid. Really fucked me up.”

“Shit,” Shane muttered. He wanted to put his arm around Ryan, but it looked like the gesture wouldn’t be welcomed. “Then why- You said you loved water?” Why the hell would the guy become a damn lifeguard, then?

Though choosing a job that scared him was exactly the kind of thing that Ryan would do.

Ryan’s rueful smile could barely be seen in the moonlight. “I do. I really do love the water.” He looked out over the lake and sighed. It was a long, weary sound. “Here goes. When I was eight, my dad decided to take us to Disney World. We’ve always loved Disneyland and I guess he thought it would be cool to see the differences. And in the most dad-move ever, he also thought that it would be a good idea for us to see more of the country. We live in LA, how often were we going to see the Atlantic?”

A faint stirring of dread began to build in the pit of Shane’s stomach.

“So we rented a car and drove up the coast forever.” Ryan chuckled quietly to himself. “Maybe I’d enjoy it now, but when I was seven? I hated it. We spent most of the time in the car and I was so _bored_. It was an ocean, I grew up next to one of those, why did I care that it was a different one?”

“Ryan-” Shane tried to say, but the sound died in his throat.

“This is going somewhere, I promise,” Ryan said, having heard his aborted attempt at speaking. “But I can’t just say it. I need to...to build up to it. I tried to tell this to three different therapists and you’d think I’d have gotten better at streamlining it, but-” He cut himself off. “Anyways. Probably because my brother had been crying for two hours straight and I was being a brat, Dad took us to this State Park beach. It was nearly closed when we got there, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to do _something_. So I went swimming.”

Shane couldn’t look at Ryan anymore. He stared dead ahead, unseeing of the water in front of him.

Ryan paused and seemed to gather himself. “Long story short, I got caught by a riptide. Pulled me so far out that I thought I couldn’t see the shore anymore. I probably wasn’t that far out, really, since I found out a few months after that that I needed glasses but I guess that didn’t really matter, because either way, I had no idea where to go and I was starting to go under. I wasn’t that strong of a swimmer.” His voice grew smaller and faster, like he was trying to hide what he was saying. “Someone heard me screaming. A teenager.”

_No_, Shane thought, the words in his own head coming distantly. _Not a teenager. Not yet. But I was always tall for my age_.

“I don’t think he knew how to swim any better than I did,” Ryan muttered. At this point he was whispering. “Some of it I can only remember in flashes. I remember struggling. I was pulling him down, too. And then he let go of me and I _swear_-”

Against his own screaming panic, Shane slowly turned his head to the side, just enough to see that Ryan had pulled his sleeves back so that he could stare at the scars on his arm. “I swear he turned into a fucking horse. A horse that could breathe water and swim far better than a real horse can. Scottish myths call them kelpies.” His soft laugh was bitter. “Crazy, right? One therapist asked me how I knew his name was Shane if it had been a horse, but ‘because he turned back into a human and I asked him’ was apparently the wrong answer.”

There was a long, horribly tense pause between them. Only the sound of the water washing onto the shore and the disturbingly quiet, quiet whispers of their breaths, as if both of them were too aware of their own breathing.

“Ry-”

“I _know_, okay?” Ryan bit out, his voice suddenly much louder than it had been. “I know how fucking ridiculous it sounds. Ghosts aren’t real, so magical horses from a fairy tale definitely aren’t. I get it. I was a kid, I suffered a traumatic experience and my brain somehow made it all up.”

_Oh God._

"But how the hell do I have these scars? Why can I remember his mane wrapped around my fingers so clearly?” He made a quick, meaningless, angry gesture. “I devoted my entire life to the fucking water because of a damn hallucination brought on by a lack of oxygen. I tell people I became a lifeguard because I wanted to be like the boy who saved me, but the truth is that I keep thinking that somehow, if I wait long enough, if I stick close enough to the water, I’ll find proof that I didn’t make it all up.”

Shane thought he might throw up.

Ryan gulped in a quick, deep breath, then began to inhale and exhale in a careful, set pattern. Shane felt like he could almost hear him counting.

“So. I thought you should know the truth,” Ryan eventually said into the silence. “If you want to marry- If we’re going to be together for a long time. You should know that I’m not entirely sane.”

Words that had been building since Shane had realized exactly what Ryan was saying tumbled out of his mouth. “Is that why you dated me?”

Ryan finally turned to look at him. “What?”

“My name. Is that why you-”

Shane prayed that Ryan would instantly deny it, but instead, Ryan dropped his head and sighed.

It was answer enough.

“Was I just a what-if for you? Do you go around dating every Shane you come across in the wild hope that you’ll find your evidence?” Shane bit out, guilt and fear and pain wrapping around his heart until he felt like it was going to squeeze into a tiny black stone. It wasn’t fair of him, the things he was saying. He knew that. Ryan was flinching with each word, looking more and more miserable as he continued.

But the idea that Ryan hadn’t been genuinely interested in him, in who he was as a person, hurt far more than he could have imagined.

“Sha-” Ryan winced halfway through the name, then wildly shook his head and grabbed Shane’s wrist, as if he could convey how sincere he was with skin contact. “No. No, I wouldn’t- I was already going to ask you out before I knew your name, remember? I love _you_ and that has nothing to do with a chance hallucination from when I was eight.”

Chance.

_Chance._

The word hit him so hard that all of the fight left Shane’s body. He curled forward over his knees, vaguely worried that he was going to faint.

That stupid, cliche chance encounter at the movie theater hadn’t been their second meeting.

It had been their third.

“Fate, you fucking bitch,” Shane breathed. He didn’t even care that he was insulting the closest thing to a deity that his family had. She could come down and smite him herself if she wanted, but he needed to have _words_ with her.

“... Shane?”

Shane turned his head enough to see Ryan looking at him with a worried expression. Tears glimmered behind his glasses and Shane made a decision.

He stood up abruptly, swaying from the sudden rush of blood to his head, and started back towards the house.

“Shane, wait-”

“Stay there,” Shane said, unable to look at Ryan. If he did, he might change his mind. “Just stay there. I’ll be right back, I have to get something.”

Oh God, what was he doing? Why? Was Ryan really worth it? Why was he-

Shane ignored his own panicked thoughts and focused grimly on putting one foot in front of the other.

By the time he made it back outside, Ryan had slid off the rock and onto the damp mud in front of it, curled up into a miserable ball. Shane’s heart clenched and he strode forward, ignoring how his fingers shook as he pulled Ryan to his feet with his free hand.

“What-” Ryan yelped, stumbling forward and nearly falling face first into the edge of the lake. “What the fuck?”

“My family has a tradition,” Shane said, his voice oddly high-pitched as he forced the words past his tight, dry throat. He thrust what he was holding into Ryan’s chest, somehow convincing himself to let go.

Ryan looked down at the tangle of leather that he had automatically caught, his eyebrows drawn down in confusion. “What the fuck? Where are your glasses? Is this a bridle?” His eyes narrowed as he tried to study it in the dim light. “Is this the bridle that was hanging at the top of the stairs?”

“I told you it was an heirloom,” Shane took a step back, directly into the lake. Water seeped into his shoes and socks and he winced at having forgotten he was wearing them. He awkwardly toed them off and bent over to deal with his socks, trying to focus on his own actions instead of what he was saying. “I didn’t tell you the story behind it.”

“Wha- What are you doing? What does this have to do with-”

“I never really got the tradition myself. It seems so stupid.” He looked up at Ryan’s confused face and realized he was going about this all wrong. “You know about selkies, right?” He didn’t even wait for Ryan to answer. “Of course you do, I’ve seen you go on research binges for poltergeists, of course you probably know every shape changing myth out of Europe. You know the story about their skins?”

“If you’re trying to turn this into some sort of messed up joke-”

Shane held up his hand. “Ryan, please.” He let out a strained chuckle. “This isn’t easy for me. Just answer the question, please.”

Ryan nodded, wide-eyed. “Uh, yeah. A fisherman could steal a selkie’s sealskin and force her to be his wife.”

“Think about that for a minute,” Shane said, unbuttoning his shirt as steadily as he could. “It’s essentially slavery. Fuck, it _is_ slavery. I’m guessing you know the myths about kelpies, too, right? Get tack with a cross on it on a kelpie, hey look, you’ve got a stronger than normal horse that can haul your shit for you until the day you die. Though I think the cross is just Christian bullshit. I’ve never felt anything around a crucifix. We’re not fucking vampires.”

Ryan’s eyes managed to grow even wider before narrowing into a look of dawning suspicion.

“When I was twelve, my dad decided to take a merry old trip to Delaware,” Shane said, abruptly changing subjects. He hated that he was all over the place, that he was barely making sense to himself, but he was scared. God, he was so scared. “No clue why, we prefer fresh water. Culture or something, who knows?”

“You’re fucking with me,” Ryan said, anger and fear mixing in his voice. “You’re fucking with me and what, you’re going to laugh at me afterword? Is that what this is?” Despite his words, he pulled the bridle closer to himself, clutching it.

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” Shane said truthfully. Then he gave Ryan a smile that felt sick. “Well, no crazier than I ever did. But in this case? Well, I know you’re not crazy. Because one summer I rescued a boy off the coast. The salt water burned my lungs and I couldn’t change for weeks, but I couldn’t ever regret it, because I knew I had saved someone instead of drowning them.”

“_Stop it_,” Ryan cried, taking a step back. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Shane laughed. It was a miserable noise. “Right now I’m getting naked in very cold water.” He tossed his button-up onto the shore, then pulled his T-shirt off and did the same with it. He stood there in the ankle deep water. Wearing only his pants and shivering in the chilled air. “My family has a tradition,” he tried again. “A saying. Once is chance, twice is coincidence, three times is Fate. You meet a human three times? You’re meant to be. I always thought it was a bunch of bologna, but here we are.”

Ryan mouthed ‘human’ to himself, his face twisted in so many emotions that it was unreadable.

“We don’t marry humans as a rule, you know? I only have a handful of cousins around the world that have done it and for each of them, it was three chance meetings. Fate.” Shane took a deep breath and unbuttoned his pants, quickly pulling them and his underwear down his legs and stepping out of them. They were thrown onto the pile of his shirts. “A bunyip, and two different kappas. A kelpie hasn’t married a human in decades, which made sense to me. I never understood why you would give so much control to a human.”

He stepped backward, farther into the water. He didn’t take his eyes off Ryan’s face. “I think I finally understand. It’s not about control.”

“_I_ don't understand,” Ryan said weakly. He was holding himself as if he was braced for a blow.

“I think you do,” Shane said as he kept going backward, until the water was up to his chest. It caressed his skin, singing to him in welcome. It had been far too long since he had been in these waters. “You’re always the first to jump to crazy theories, right?”

“If this is some kind of cruel joke-”

“I’d be the first to admit that I don’t have the nicest sense of humor but we both know I like my own comfort too much to get into nearly frozen water if I wasn’t trying to prove something.”

The sound of Ryan swallowing was so loud that it had to have hurt. “Kelpies would take the form of a beautiful horse in order to lure men and children into the water, where they would be drowned and eaten, their entrails later found on the shore,” he muttered. It sounded like he was reciting something.

Shane tilt his head in a single nod. The water lapped at his chin. “There’s a basis in truth there, unfortunately.”

Ryan’s voice grew questioning. “But there is the story of one taking the form of a handsome young man, as he was lonely and looking for a wife.”

“Handsome?” Shane asked, his grin wobbling. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself, wife.”

“Shane-”

“I trust you, Ryan.” Shane drank in the sight of the man standing at the edge of the water, lined by the light of the moon. Who knew if he would ever see Ryan again?

The last thing he said, before he dove down and breathed in the cold, loving water, was, “Do you trust me?”

The change rushed over him as if it had been waiting for the chance, a tingling wave of pinpricks that ached sweetly. It was like stretching an underused muscle and for one moment he let go of his worries to enjoy being in a form that felt far more natural.

An echo of his name rippling through the water reminded him that hiding from his problems wouldn’t work for long. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in the lake, no matter how tempting it seemed.

He took his time swimming towards the shallower water, watching the distorted edge of Ryan pacing along the shore’s edge, calling for him to come back. He wanted to get it over with, but surging up out of the water like some kind of monster would only send Ryan running.

The fact that Ryan stood his ground as Shane paced forward, water cascading off his neck and back, made Shane so proud that his heart hurt. He knew he didn’t look like a normal horse. Too skeletal by far, with eyes set too far forward and teeth that curved to tear flesh. A horse if horses were predators. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

But Ryan didn’t move. He was shaking so hard that the bridle in his hand jingled, but he wasn’t moving.

Shane wanted badly to say something comforting, but the best he could manage was a warbling kind of whicker that sounded wrong out of the water.

Ryan, brave, stupidly courageous Ryan, was the one to reach out. He gently laid his hand on the top of Shane’s nose, far closer to sharp teeth than Shane would have anticipated.

“You’re real,” Ryan whispered. He sounded on the verge of tears. “You’re _real._"

Shane pushed his nose into Ryan’s hand, ears pricked forward to hear every single thing Ryan might say.

“You’re beautiful.”

With a shake of his head that flung water everywhere, Shane did his best to look sardonic.

“No, really, you’re-” Ryan’s voice trailed off, his hand wandering up Shane’s cheek to brush down the arch of his neck. His fingers became tangled in the long hair that Shane refused to call a mane and he could hear Ryan gulp before carefully extracting himself. It was a sound filled with fear. That fear made hunger whisper in Shane’s blood. “Beautiful and deadly, right? I do know the stories. I memorized them. The boy who got his hand caught in a kelpie’s mane and had to cut his finger off so as to not drown.”

_Drowning._ Pulling his prey down, down onto the depths, until there was no more struggling, no more escaping bubbles of air.

Shane's skin shivered over his body at the nature of his own thoughts. He lowered his head to nudge at the bridle dangling from Ryan’s other hand, held so low that the reins dragged on the ground.

If Ryan was scared, there was a sure way to make sure he wouldn’t ever have to worry that Shane would do something to do him.

The leather of the bridle creaked as it was lifted higher.

Shane closed his eyes and stretched his neck out, making it easier for Ryan to reach. His heart beat hard in his chest and he wondered if he was this stupid or just in love.

Fingers brushed under his jaw. He opened his mouth, already hating the idea of a bit between his teeth.

There was a clank and a splash, then Ryan was hugging his head, practically sobbing in his ears. “I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I’m not going to do that to you. I would never-”

Shane felt all of the tension leave his body and he sagged on his feet, enjoying the contact for one blissful moment in time. But he eventually had to open his eyes and gently push Ryan back. The bridle lay in the mud and the water and he nosed at it, trembling all over. God, he couldn’t believe he had done that. That he had offered Ryan such an opportunity

“I can’t,” Ryan said again, bending down to pick up the tangle of leather. He absently wiped some of the mud off of the metal pieces. “Shit, I shouldn’t have done that to an heirloom, but I just can’t put this on you.”

No longer able to care less about a stupid bunch of leather, Shane twisted his head to hook his teeth in the reins and then tugged until Ryan let go. He pointedly flung it towards the pile of his clothes, whickering softly in the closest thing he could make to a laugh when Ryan ducked and swore at him.

“Jesus, are you trying to take my eye out?” Ryan complained. Then he blinked and patted Shane’s neck. “Did I just sass a kelpie? A fucking kelpie?”

Shane whickered again, laughing at the look on Ryan's face, then once more took a step back into the water.

Ryan raised his hand, an absent gesture to stay in contact.

The scars on Ryan’s arm were covered by layers of clothing. But Shane knew exactly where they were. He knew he had left them there.

He knew the taste of Ryan’s blood.

Ryan followed his movement with his eyes, but didn’t leave the shore.

Another step, until Shane was far enough in the water that someone could use the buoyancy to easily get onto his back. He turned his head and arched his neck in invitation, nervous for an entirely different reason.

He was hungry.

And fish was not what his body wanted.

But he could never hurt Ryan. He knew that. _He knew it._

“I’m scared,” Ryan said softly, the words whispering over the surface of the water.

Shane snorted, as that was abundantly clear. Ryan looked like was going to shake out of his skin.

Ryan shook his head the smallest amount. “Shut up, Shane. I’m terrified.” It was a quiet, heart wrenching admission. Shane couldn’t blame him. He knew the stories as well as Ryan did. He knew his own instincts.

Ryan had a reason to be afraid.

He wanted to tear into flesh. And that scared him nearly as much as it scared Ryan.

But he _wanted_ to feel Ryan on his back. He wanted those fingers in his hair and that voice in his ear as he swam through the water. He wanted-

No. He didn’t need any more dramatic gestures. Throwing the bridle to the ground had been more than enough. He didn’t need Ryan to climb onto his back to prove anything. He didn’t need to test himself or Ryan’s trust.

Disappointment was nearly as strong as the hunger that churned through him, but Shane had made his decision. He wasn’t going to make Ryan trust a monster.

He started to step forward, back into the shallows. He would change and they would talk. It would be awkward and wonderful and terrifying, but he knew it would be fine.

And then something happened.

Something that Shane could have only dreamed of.

Ryan took a deep breath that shook.

Smiling crookedly, he stretched out his hand.

Right there at the lake’s dark edge, under the light of the moon and knowing exactly what Shane was, Ryan looked at him with love and trust in his eyes.

He stepped into the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's the end of my crack treated seriously kelpie fic. 
> 
> Thank you to the rabble-rousers for your support and for not letting me give up and to theawfuledges for spawning and discussing the idea. 
> 
> As always, big thanks to Emilia for the art! 
> 
> Which you can see [ here! ](https://mephsation.tumblr.com/post/188200013051/thank-you-yall-know-this-was-done-by)
> 
> And thank you so much for the comments, kudos, and for reading <3 
> 
> You can yell at me at [ Mephsation. ](https://mephsation.tumblr.com/)


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